Life — July 7, 1910 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

——— ON THE SANDS CAUTION TO YOUNG LADIES IN CRI —One of John Leech’s Pictures in Punch. WHO RIDE The University of Gottingen Whene'er with haggard eyes I view This dungeon that I'm rotting in I think of those companions true Who studied with me at the U- niversity of Gottingen— niversity of Gottingen! Sweet 'kerchief, checked with heavenly blue, Which once my love sat nottin in! Matilda then was true! stl thought so at the U— ity of Gottingen— niversity of Gottingen. alas! how swift you Barbs! Barbs! flew, Her neat post-wagon trottin’ in! Ye bore Matilda om my view Forlorn I languished at the U— niversity of Gottingen— niversity of Gottingen. This faded form! This pallid hue! This blood my veins is clotting i years are many y were few first I entered at the U. niversity of Gottingen— niversity of Gottingen. There, sweet, for thee my pas grew, Sweet, sweet Matilda Pottingen! Thou wast the daughter of my tu- tor, law professor at the U— niversity of Gottingen— niversity of Gottingen. Sun, moon and thou, vain world, adieu, That kings and priests are plot- ting in. Here, doomed to starve on water gru- el, never shall I see the U— niversity of Gottingen— niversity of Gottingen. —From “The Rovers,” by George Channing a Oe al oa Running a Piano “T was loitering around the streets last night,” said Jim Nelson, one of the old locomotive engineers running into New Orlear “As I had nothing to do I dropped into a concert and heard -looking Frenchman play a piano in a way that made me feel all over in spots. As soon as he sat down on the stool I knew by the way he handled himself that he understood the machine he running. He tapped the keys away up one end, just as if they were gages and he wanted to see if he had water enough. Then he looked up as if he wanted to know how much steam he was carrying, and the next moment he pulled open the throttle and sailed onto the main line as if he was half an hour late. You could hear her thunder over culverts and bridges and getting faster and faster, until the fellow rocked about in his seat like a cradle. Somehow I ht it was old ‘36’ pulling a pas- senger train and getting out of the way of a ‘ specia The fellow worked the keys on the middle division like lightning, and then he flew along the north end of the line until the drivers went around like a buzz saw and | got excited. About the time I was nxing to tell him to cut her off a lit- tle he kicked the dampers under the machine wide open, pulled the throttle ‘way back in the tender, and how he did run! I couldn't stand it any longer, atid yelled to him that he was pound: ng in the left side, and if he wasn’t careful he'd drop his ash-pan. But he didn’t hear. Noone heard me. E thing was flying and whizzing. Tell graph poles on the side of the track looked like a row of cornstalks, and trees appeared to be a mud-ban! all the time the exhaust of the ok chine sounded like the hum of a bum- blebee. I tried to yell out, but my tongue wouldn't move. Hie went around the curves like a bullet, slipped an eccentric, blew out his soft plug— ent down grades fifty feet to the mile and not a controlling brake set She went by the meeting point at a mile and a half a minute, and calling for more steam. My hair stood up straight, because I knew the game was up. Sure enough, dead ahead of us was the headlight’ of a ‘special’ In a daze | heard the crash as they struck, and I saw cars shivered into atoms, people smashed and mangled and bleeding and gasping for water. I heard another crash as the French professor struck the deep key y down on the lower end of the South- ern division, and then I came to my senses. There he was at a dead stand- still, with the door of the fire-box, of the machine open, wiping the perspira- tion off his face and bowing to the people before him. If I live to be one thousand years I'll never forget the ride that Frenchman gave me on a piano.” —Unidentified. A Gentle Complaint *AiRFIELD, CONN, T. Bar: 9 Dear Sir:—We have a large soiled Asiatic elephant visiting us now, which we suspect belongs to you. His skin is a misfit and he keeps moving his trunk from side to side nervously. If you have missed an elephant answering to this description please come up and take him away, as we have no use for him, An elephant on a place so small as ours is more of a trouble than a convenience. I have endeavored to frighten him away, but he does not seem at all timid, and my wife and I, assisted by our hired man, tried to push him out of the yard, but our ef- forts were unavailing. He has made our home his own now for some days, and he has become quite de trop. We do not mind him so much in the day- time, for he then basks mostly on the lawn and plays ‘with the children (to whom he has ‘greatly endeared him- self), and at mght he comes up and lays his head upon our piazza, and his deep and stertorous breathing keeps my wife awake. I feel as though I was entitled to some compensation for his keep. He is a large, though no fastidious cater, and he has destroyed some of my plants by treading on them; and he also leaned against our woodhouse. My neighbor—who is something of a wag—says I have a lien on his trunk for the amount of his board, but that, of course, is only pleasantry. Your immediate attention will oblige Siatton Forp. On a Surly Porter What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flinn— The surly old dog would let nobody in, —From the “Humor of Ireland.” The mule said to the donkey, Gee up, long cars—Spanish Proverb CARICATURE OF NAPOLEON SEIZING ITAL- IAN WORKS OF ART, BY CRUIKSHANK comicbooks.com