Life, 1910-06-09 · page 16 of 40
Life — June 9, 1910 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Life magazine page celebrates notable figures' birthdays through satirical tributes. **Caroline Hazard** (Wellesley College president) is honored with mock-reverent language—the satire lies in Life's exaggerated claims of incompetence to praise her, listing her genuine accomplishments (multiple degrees, languages, editorial work) to humorously suggest she's intimidatingly overqualified. **Robert Marion La Follette** receives similar treatment, praised for Wisconsin's tradition of producing statesmen, with joking references to his role in the McKinley tariff bill and congressional oratory. **"The Right Combination"** is a satirical short story about a bachelor shopping at a "matrimonial establishment" (marriage broker). The humor mocks different wife "types"—plain domestic wives, overweight women, hysterical/jealous types, and cold intellectual women—all presented as consumer goods. The joke critiques both commercialization of marriage and period attitudes toward women, depicting them as interchangeable commodities with predetermined personality traits.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
"LIF E* forutan BietHaays HERE'S HOW CAROLINE HAZARD (President of Wellesley College) Bora June 10, 1856 The president of a girl's college we have ever contem- plated with awe. We delight to honor Miss Hazard, but with palpitating heart we beg humbly to confess our incompetence for such a large under- taking. We note with trepidation that she is very learned. She has studied abroad She is a Master of Arts and a Doctor of Literature. She knows languages and his- tory and philosophy and has even been an editor. Nothing within the range of human wisdom has escaped her. What can we say, therefore, to add to her felicity and satisfaction over such world wide achievements? Madam, pray. accep our faltering compliments on this eventful day with that charity that inaynanimous wisdom must ever accord to humble admiration. From our heart of hearts we desire that. your light may so shine that all men may know your worth and estcem you as highly as we ourselves do. ROBERT MARION LA FOLLETTE Born June 14, 1855 Wisconsin is a great State, and growing day. Among its claims is the habit it has of nourishing statesmen. We may expect soon to see it Ohio as an incubator for Presidents ong others it has fostered is the dis- hed gentleman we are now congratu- lating in weak words. He was born in Primrose and has ever walked the primrose hs he helped to frame the McKinley. bill s oratory has resounded in the halls of Conyress for many a year. He has done er things—but why particularize? Senator, we are in no mood to be over- critical. We want everybody happy. We congratulate you on everything that we can think of, and if mitted anything from this list we will do it all n. Best wishes for a happy and prosperous career. Your country is still here. Much can be done with a country like this if n in time. Your health! cw nantene A LEMON SQUERZER She: om, wuss! 1 coup stay THIS WAY roneVER The Right Combination T" young bachelor paused irresolutely before the window of the matrimonial establishment. At the sign “No Trouble to Show Goods"’ he brightened up and went inside. The manager came forward Good morning, sir. Something in our line? “Well. I thought" “Would you like to look at some of our regulars?’ “ Regulars?" “Yes. Plain, ordinary wife; stays home and mends clothes, always lives within income, never cares to go out, devoted to children, domestic. Have some fine specimens.”’ “N—no, thank you.”’ “ Possibly somethin: bridg you know and affection.”” : “No, thank you.”’ “How would a nice roly-poly strike you? We have some exceptional values in adipose tissue. You know they are fection and are always good natured. Not necessarily more a trifle gayer—dashing figure, plays loves automobiles and is—er—at the sa —welll, all right in every respect; capable of great love capable of a world of Many prefer them in spite of weight. expensive to clothe than the thinner varicties. Move slower and cost less. “T guess not.” “Something quite gay and exciting? Lead you a life of continuous hysteria, distract you with love and jealousy, leading 10 probable divorce? Some prefer this sort, as they like to be amused."* “Not for me.” “Maybe you'd like an intellectual lady—several lovely specimens, speaking of course allegorically. Cultured to finger tips. High brows. Blue blood. Cold as marble, but very uplifting “No, sir.”