Life — April 21, 1910 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE: . 719 fifty-two weeks in any one year shall be razed to the ground "Any ticket-speculator who cannot prove that he is em- ployed by the theatre in front of which he operates shall be obliged to swallow all tickets found in his possession “No seats shall be sold at any box-office at prices higher than those demanded by the house-speculator on the sidewalk. Any comedian who is not funny shall be sentenced to sixty days in the morgue. “Under my seal, “ Rian, “ Royal Commissioner of Theatres Count Rialto said that he would announce other reforms later, as soon as he could stop to think and catch up on some . of the plays he hadn't seen SSS, KLAW AND ERLANGER EN ROUTE TO THE HOLY LAND, It has just been learned that hereafter all newspapers will ¢. _ be obliged to print on their editorial pages the n s and mortals in literature for the present,” he said, “much as I 5 F - i 3 jount of investments that are owned by their proprietors; regret that we cannot establish an academy. The reason is ae * also the amount received from advertisements the day pre- plain. ‘There isn’t any one in the country who is fit to enter s bees it, We shall have to wait a few centuries longer."” He there- upon offcred our representative a cigar. This cigar is now on view in our window from nine until ten every morning vious and the names of the persons paying. In this way it His Majesty has issued a proclamation ordering our scen- ery free from advertisements. Work has already begun clean- ing up what scenery there is left Anthony Comstock has been sent on an expedition to dis- cover the South Pole. By special royal order he has been commanded to wear only a suit of pajamas and a palm-leaf fan Miss Lillian Russell recently had a pleasant throne room chat with His Ma- jesty. On Tuesday morning a proclamation startled the nation. It was an- nounced from the throne that the American drama would be reformed. At ten o'clock the King’s guard had waited on Messrs. Klaw and Erlanger, and by eleven they were embarking in a special steamer bound for Jerusalem. Mr. J. S. Metcalfe was immediately sent for and on entering the royal pres- is believed that by showing who really owns the paper some ence was knighted with the idea can be obtained by the public as to the extent of freedom title of Count Rialto. Co! enjoyed by our press. Rialto ‘ininedtatcly’ jasiied All cold storage plants have been abolished. Everything the following manifesto will be fresh or unobtainable All manufactured foods are abolished HIS GOOD-NATURED SMILE “Ksow Aut Mex By Tues Perhaps the most noticeable reform is in the Custom Presents House. Earl Taft is in charge of this institution and his good-natured smile is spreading all over the country. “La “Hereafter all foreign dies," says a recent article in the Court Journal, “are no problem plays shall be thor. longer searched and insulted. Instead of this all citizens who oughly disinfected before be enter the country are treated like human beings. A special ing allowed to land officer, who is a gentleman, is detailed for each ship, and he “All American actors shall confers with the passengers before their arrival in a gentle- be injected with anti-big-head manly manner about what goods they have with them. By serum, this method no thief escapes, and yet all decent people are “No critic shall be barred treated politely and the government doesn't lose anything from any theatre, but all His Majesty announces that as soon as it can be done the critics shall have the right to tariff will be abolished. He is only waiting the opportunity.’ be barred in any place Pensions have been abolished, there being no further need where liquid refreshments of them, as there are no more political parties to vote for are dispensed. Any theatre presenting NOTES, THE COUNT RIALTO musical farce more than All members of the Stock Exchange will hereafter be re comicbooks.com