Life, 1910-03-03 · page 35 of 80
Life — March 3, 1910 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces mocking modern life: **"A Memory of the Garden Gate"** (top illustration): Shows a romantic couple at a garden gate. The accompanying narrative parodies the mechanical nature of modern courtship—a young woman treats her suitor's marriage proposal like a business appointment, consulting her "engagement book" and scheduling their entire romantic progression (hand-holding, arm-around-waist, kiss attempts, declarations) for Thursday at 8 PM, allowing exactly one hour. The satire targets both the loss of spontaneity in relationships and women's growing independence/practicality. **"The Germ Theory"**: A humorous column debunking excessive fear of germs by pointing out humanity survived for generations before germ theory existed. **"Among the Militant Ones"**: A joke about suffragettes—Jake planned to disrupt a women's suffrage meeting but got beaten up instead ("Were his plans carried out? No, Jake was"). The overall theme critiques modern social changes: romantic detachment, scientific anxiety, and women's activism.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A MEMORY OF THE GARDEN GATE The Germ Theory: Is It True? you really desire to know whether F l the germ theory as at present held by the profession, embracing as it dees all imaginable dangers from flies, dust, sputum, ete. is true, all you need do is just to pinch yourself and see if you are If you are, that settles it, for otherwise you would not only have been dead long ago, but you never would have been horn; your parents, grandparents and all other relatives for many gener: tions back would never have existed. The race would long ago have perished from the face of the earth On the other hand, if you find you are dead, it does not follow that your misfortune arose from the so-called germs, but which are the direct reverse of what this name implies: they are na- alive! ture’s scavenging aids in the cure of whatever disease they accompany, and yeu died in spite of their help. Among the Militant Ones ILL: Jake said he was going to break up the suffragette meeting the other night. Were his plans carried out? Dit: No, Jake was. A SOQvErIE is the most cursed and most courted of all human beings. who said the play’s the “Gay, pa thing? “Some back number, my son. one knows nowadays it’s the chorus.’ Every 379 Modern “FT WANT to tell you how much I love you The beautiful young girl thus spoken to by the ardent youth for the first time held up her hand in token of silence. It was five o'clock in the afternoon. He had just come in to make an afternoon call, had discovered her already dressed for walking and had thus precipi spoken. “Pardon me for one moment,’ said, with a smile, “but I must get my engagement She took it from her desk. Then she proceeded. “1 presume “Oh, yes.” “And you will lead up to it by usual methods.”’ 1 don't\— “You will hold my hand, put your arm around me, try to kiss me—and possibly succeed—and all the time you will sicnately declare your undying affection Very well. You that this takes 1 am obliged to regulate my af- fairs on a systematic basis, otherwise I could get nothing accomplished. see—I should say the whole affa take—how long should you say? The youth reflected “Four hours,’ he ventured. “Mercy, no! I couldn't possibly give up so time. Couldn't you through in, say, forty minutes?" “Make it A pause. “Very well." She opened her book at a page “This week is taken; so is next week; week after next—say Thursday, at eight o’clock—one hour.”” She got up “Remember to be on time. voir.” . And she was gone. tely she book.”* you wish to marry me?" the know time Let me would much get an hour.’* Au re- fais THE BOY-COTT ON BEEF comicbooks.com