Life — December 16, 1909 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THIS SLOT MACHINE TOOK BILLY’S PENNY AND THEN REPUSED TO WORK not be so, or why those other women who prefer to stay at home and raise children should not do so. As each of them in her own way is fulfilling her destiny—whatever that is—man ought d enough to have two wives, one for ho rposes and the other to attend political conventions with, We shall work toward this end in spite of the storm of protest that our announcement will necessarily provoke This naturally lies in the future. For the present we advise every suffering husband to take advantage of our latest offer, the reduced rate of which expires on the first of the year. No matter to be big and bro WMO IS THAT OVER YONDER, OFFICER?” “ONE OF OUR LEADING LIGHTS, MR, NENKY rierty.”” “Gost, 1 THOUGHT ‘TWAS A coNFIDENCE MAN WITIL A GOLD BRICK UNDER IIS COAT.” what your matrimonial difficulties may be, take an initial three months’ course Write us fully and freely and we will convince you that in a short time we can make your bome a happy one. The Don’t delay. Obey that our name and address will cure you if it is seeret is ours. nd file at this office. W possible. Full program lainment committee and our famous book, mailed on application for framing, impulse of our enter Prospectus of xy of Beauty,’ Our photograph, suitable sent with every order. Hessanps’ Corresronpence. BUREAU. Call, write or wire. An Appeal From Ottawa Ottawa Sourn, Owr., . November 19, 1909 To the Manager, Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau Dear Sir:—I have been wondering a good deal lately whether you could do anything for me. I was not born mar- ried. I am not likely to achieve matri- mony. Therefore, except this unhappy condition be thrust upon me (which is, of course, an ever-present danger to all men), Tam likely to die a bachelor. But this is ever my fear—that it may be thrust upon me. This, the nightmare which is poisoning my existence. The brightness of the sun is dimmed, and the grass—the grcen grass of the fields—is of a pale olive-greenness sadly unl the emerald hues of youth. 883 A certain widow—and if there is more terrifying, marrow-freezing ob in all creation than a widow I would very glad indeed if you would send me a description of the animal, with par- ticulars as to distribution, etc., by return of post (I inclose self-addressed stamped envelope)—a certain widow, | say, has fixed her eye upon me. She has marked me for her own. She has seen in me easy mark, and has already be determined and calculating cunning, to the end that she may to the altar. I fecl, sir, even as the poor fly must feel, as it becomes more and more enmeshed in the spider's web. May I not hope for the powerful aid of your bureau in my extremity? I am cognizant of the noble and_ benefice: work which you have done and are doing for the husbands of America, but I tell you, sir, that unless you extend the scope Of your operations so as to lend succor in the case of the lonely and unprotected bachelor—a most deserving and much maligned class—your work will lack unity and completeness. You will miss the tisfaction that comes to the man who js that he has done his whole duty. You will miss—but I will not trespass further on your patience. I will rest my case here, confident in the belief that I have not appealed to you in vain Yours very truly W. L.'L What Every Landlord Knows HAT tenants are an unreasonable lot That taxes and repairs keep him hard up all the time. That his only error is in treating his tenants too well. That a man is a fool who insists upon clean wall paper and sound plumbing That tenants spend all of their time driving nails in the wall and scratching the wainscoting That if the tax rate goes much higher he'll sell out everything and invest in government bonds That if the tenants knew how hard it was for him to get along they would be * more watchful of bis interests. “1r's NO USE: 1 CAN’T TEACH You To swiM. YOU EAT TOO MUCH HABDWARE.”” comicbooks.com