Life, 1909-11-04 · page 17 of 52
Life — November 4, 1909 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces mocking American society circa early 1900s: **"The Poet to the Sea"**: Parodies overly romantic poetry. A would-be poet addresses the ocean with grandiose classical references (Odysseus, Medea, Jason), but repeatedly loses his train of thought and becomes seasick—deflating pretentious literary aspirations with physical reality. **"Merchant Marines"**: Critiques the ship subsidy debate. The author sarcastically suggests America's social problems (slums, labor unrest, anarchism, Bryan's populism) stem from lacking a merchant marine—an absurd circular argument mocking both the subsidy advocates and those blaming various ills on maritime weakness. **"A Proper Question"**: A red-nosed man challenges a temperance lecturer, asking whether he's ever actually witnessed the stereotypical "drunken man holding up a lamppost" from newspaper cartoons—implying temperance propaganda relies on exaggerated imagery. **"The Absentminded Professor"**: A cartoon showing a befuddled professor absconding with someone else's baby, mistaking it for his carriage—physical comedy about absent-mindedness. All pieces mock social pretension, political rhetoric, and moral crusades through humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Poet to the Sea EVERLASTING ocean, sparkling now As when Odysseus his bold venture led, Or glad Medea sang on Jason's prow, Hold me in thrall—hold me—hold my—my head Is swimming—I'm not feeling very well O mighty ocean whose resistless roll Hath never ceased since on the mighty swell Creation dawned—I wish it would—my soul Is stirred unto its depths—insatiate sea I, too, will my awe-stricken tribute pay And offer up my inmost self to thee. I cannot think what I was going to say O mighty ocean—Heavens! I feel sick! © mighty ocean—O! O! steward— quick CE. SW. Merchant Marines HE main ostensible reason for a ship subsidy is that it will pro- vide a merchant marine for our country. Strange we haven't realized be- fore our crying need for a merchant marine On second thoughts, that is prob- ably what has been holding us back all these years. If we had had one we might, by now, have been an cighteen-karat world power, with a valance of trade, a culture, an hon- rable past and a literature—and the greatest of these is a literature. On third thoughts, our slum dis sricts and labor troubles and panics are undoubtedly due to the fact that we have no adequate merchant ma- rine, and than to get one there is no easier way of disposing of the so cialists, the anarchists, Bryan and other malcontents. And we ought to get a good big one, so that Taft could take a little trip in it once in a while Ellis O. Jones. A Proper Question “ A ND now,” said the temperance lec- turer in conclusion, “I shall be glad to answer any questions concerning the baleful results of the use of intoxi cants."" A man with a red nose arose in the au- dience and said: 5 have studied intoxication for many years?" For thirty-two years, sir, and I “Well, L want to ask, in justice to the drinking classes, if you ever in all that time saw a drunken man holding up a lamp-post as he is usually pictured in the funny papers?” What He Wanted wit we want,”’ said the attorney to the re- porters, “is justice.”” What I want,” said the client to the attorney, “is a verdict in my favor.” *LIFE* “wny JANE THE ABSENTMINDED PROFESSOR JONN, THIS ISN'T OUR BABY!” 1 DIDN'T NOTICE; 1 JUST TOOK THIS FOR OUR CARRIAGE.’? comicbooks.com