Life, 1909-10-07 · page 40 of 44
Life — October 7, 1909 — page 40: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Life magazine: **"Tale of the Telephone Booth"** is a humorous narrative about a man's increasingly desperate experience trying to use a public telephone on a hot day. The joke follows his degradation as he waits for connection, finally emerging as a "dilapidated remnant" who pays a dollar—described as compensation equivalent to a Turkish bath. The satire mocks both the inefficiency of early telephone systems and the physical ordeal of confined spaces in summer heat. **The two brief definitions** are quick jokes playing on words: one about a "chafin' dish" (using Irish dialect for humor), the other about modern social pretension. **"A Patent Adjustable Centenary Ode"** is a template poem mocking the generic nature of celebratory verses written for anniversaries—the blanks invite substitution of any notable figure's name. The remaining content is **advertising**: Velox photographic paper, Hunter Baltimore Rye whiskey, and Abbott's Bitters (a patent medicine/cocktail ingredient). These ads were standard revenue sources for the magazine.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Tale of the Telephone Booth At twenty minutes to nine the genial citizen, resplendent in fresh linen, sailed into the tele. phone booth. It was a hot day. At fifteen minutes to nine the somewhar less genial citizen, in somew less fresh linen, finally managed to attract the attention of the sweet-voiced hello girl, It was—you will re- call—a hot day. At ten minutes to nine a ¢ white linen got his pariy on the wire. hot. At five minutes to nine the wreck in question discovered that he had an entire stranger on the line. The day grew warmer. At nine o'clock the hello girl informed the driveling wreck that he must not use the tele- phone as a plaything. Ata little after nine there issued from the booth a dilapidated remnant, who drew from his pocket a dollar bill, and, first squeezing from it the moisture it had collected, laid it on the drug- gist’s counter. “What's this?’’ inquired the haughty drug clerk, ” “One Turkish bath—one dollar,’’ said the There’s one paper that is made solely to witch “1 pay (ee hal T get meet the requirements of the amateur— | Oh, the joys of modern civilization !—Boston a paper that has the quality that gives the Traveler. a ‘i initii te it best results from amateur negatives :— Dafinition Up te Date Pat: in’ phwat the divil is a chafin’ dish?" MIKE Whist! Ut’s a fryin’ pan that's got ‘ 7 H I O xX into society.""—Judge. ay If you do your own printing, Velox will be easiest for you to work because it fits your negatives. If you have a professional finish your work, he can give you the best results on Velox—because it fits your negatives. There's a wide variety in surfaces, weights and grades. If your developer and finisher doesn’t use Velox, write us; we will tell you of one who does. NEPERA DIVISION, Eastman Kodak Company, ROCHESTER, N. Y. A Patent Adjustable Centenary Ode (To be used for any of the many celebrities whose centenary occurs this year. Insert name in blank spaces.) 7 ° A> BALTIMORE Bright rese the sun {o greet the happy morn, ‘The day that was born. , And bright as that ne sun that rose betimes, His memory now inspires these tribute rhymes. \ No name but his could call forth in these days Such noble sentiment and honest praise. ° | Hero and benefactor, wise and great; Revered and honored both by home and state, Thine is the name that thrills us to the heart, Dear —— —, nobly thou didst thy part. corre One hundred years ago, on this cll earth the Dawned the fair day that heralded thy birth. - EXHILARATES THE SPIRIT O1 Now —, thy name is writ in gold 2 5 bis Upon Fame's tablet!’ There thy deeds arc told! The Drunkard: 1wo bees, on Not TWO ® AND RESTORES THE TONE read —Carolyn Wells in Harper's Weekly. Tua iv tae QUESTION. OF LANGUID NATURE had happ —- ter, % Makes the best cocktail. Aids digesti Makes th E gestion, A ; oe leasing aromatic for ail. wine, ¢ inst. and soda Carey erg eet ager everages. A. defightfal. tonic’ and invigor- " ator. At wine merchants’ and druggists ee ienportant to see that it is Abbott's. comicbooks.com