Life — October 7, 1909 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

of the ieville. swing nurse their ilence » Eve m in en The Six Best Jokes (Continued from page 488) The Wrong Box Smiling. Pat strolled into the examination om where candidates for the police force um lerwent their physical test Strip!” ordered the police sergear * Phwhat’s that?” demanded the unin jet your clothes off, and be quick Mumbling and muttering, Pat disrobed, and the doctor proceeded to the test Hop over this bar!” ordered the doctor. Pat did his best, which landed him on the mall of his back. “Now jump under this cold shower!” or- dl the doctor. Shure, that’s funny! plicant, as he obeyed. \nd, now.” concluded the doctor, “ran round the room ten times, to test your heart and wind! Pat hesitat Oril not! muttered the ap- then he blurted out. “OFM sthay gle Single?” inauired the doctor, mystified s, single!” repeated the [rishman “What's all this fussing got to do wid a mar- riage license?” He had strayed into the wreng offic cago Daily Socialist c.—Chi- Do you believe in the Darwinian theory?” asked Mr, Whibbles Tam inclined to : further than Darwin did.” answered Miss Cayenne, “and believe that some members of our species have started on a return trip.”"—Iashington Star. Poetic Justice remarks the editor, with a mocking “I cannot use your verses. You will > for saving that they utterly lack rhythm, meter, idea, form, construction and everything else that should be in a poem.” With a proud though peeved heart the poet strode from the magazine office, took his verses popular song publisher, had them printed, within six months, a millionaire, came hought the magazine and fired the edi- tor.—Chicago Post. le, rdon INVESTMENT SECURITIES new Q vor, Cc Bank and Trust || and High-Class Co. Stocks q Complete facilities for purchase and sale of Stocks in Banks and Trust Companies located anywhere in United States. Our current Lists present unusual opportunities for investment in new banks in growing towns as well as in established dividend paying banks. We quote lowest prices. Woite for our fe. pamphlet out current Bat. MADISON SQUARE | profits. Our customers No, 110° setting frth the f reenrding Bank Stocks as an iovestment. We wil abo mall you STERLING DEBENTURE CORPORATION BRUNSWICK BUILDING. Industrials G Wesescalze stocks depending entirely ‘on public demand for security and upon busi- ness operations for may invest in moderate amounts and pay in convenient installments, The largest investment business of thischaracter in the world—over forty thousand discriminating customers, oe NEW YORK Philanthropy Here is the story of a small boy, a mother and a barrel of apples, and a moral which does not ¢ to be told in words: The windows of an orphan asylum ov looked the back yard of the house where the boy, the barrel of apples and the boy's mother lived. Now, the apples that were in the barrel disappeared at a famous rate, and the mother, being a knowing woman as a matter of course, made inquity of her son. Yes, he had eaten the apples; but, “ Mamma,” he’ said, “1 have to; the orn ant so many cores.”—Chi- cago Daily Justice and Lucre Judge Giles Baker, of a Pennsylvania county, was likewise cashier of his home bank. A m presented a check one day for payment. He was a stranger. His evidence of identification was f the cashier, Judge,” said the man, “I've known you to sentence men to be hanged on no better evidence than this! “Very likely.”’ replied the judge. “ But when it comes to letting go of cold cash we have to be mighty careful.—Browning’s Magaz “Tue man who fails is worth ten of the fel- lows who never try,’” is a piece of modern phi- losophy.—Sporting Times comicbooks.com