Life, 1909-09-09 · page 26 of 32
Life — September 9, 1909 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three unrelated pieces typical of early 20th-century Life magazine: **"A Century to Grow a Tree"** is a practical article advising readers to inspect and remove dead branches from trees, with endorsements from a tree-care company. **"Channel Flyin'"** is a humorous poem-story about a seafarer whose Channel crossing is disrupted by aviators racing overhead. Multiple aircraft crash into his ship, killing crew members in increasingly absurd ways (flattening sailors "like soles," tangling in ropes). The joke plays on the novelty and danger of early aviation—airplanes were new, unregulated, and apparently menacing enough to collision with ships. The sailor's traumatic tale earns sympathetic donations from listeners. **"Baseball Fatalities"** is a brief comic anecdote where a man, half-asleep, misunderstands his wife's question about killing a "fan" at a baseball game and smashes the pitcher instead—a play on words exploiting the double meaning of "fan." The page is otherwise filled with period advertisements for Martell Cognac and Blatz Beer, typical of Life's revenue model.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Gentury to Grow a Tree— A Frenchman falls on Bow-legged Bill—he's flat. ter than a plate; A Swede lands on the cabin boy; a German hits the mate. It fairly rains balloonatics—an acronautic dew— [J OPe! An’ with the awfullest results they drops upor fornis our crew! . One Dead B an h to Ruin It O, never more I'll leave the land, on Duy Repre Go out and look at the fine, old trees on your country place. Look for dead branches on them. tain their fullest beauty and usefulness. ruin the finest, sturdiest tree alive. Js fa the country. MUNSON-WHITAKER CO., 818 Tremort Bidg., Boston. Channel Flyin’ I met a sad seafaring man all bows of mourn- ful crape His aspect was so de to gape. He wiped away a brace of tears, and then ad- dressed the crowd, And told so sad a story that the strongest wept aloud. ul that the people stopped “T sailed upon a Channel boat," he said, and choked a sob; But never in my natch will [ take such an- other job (Founded 1715) I. FINE OLD gy «6 LIQUEUR BRANDIES GENUINE OLD BRANDIES MADE FROM WINE Sole Agents G.3. NICHOLAS ECOL New York It has taken the trees a century and more to at- Yet a dead branch neglected will surely We know the needs of a tree—how to protect i tala ity fullest stremy 1 ms We use the mos Write us to-day, Ask for © 1208 Monadnock Bldg., Chicago. We hadn't hardly put to sea when o'er the ragin’ |. he From An’ after that some twenty more—of ev'ry s : It seems these aviators was a-flyin’ in a race; No traffic slops to stop ‘em, A rope twists round our skipper’s neck, an’ from our midst he's took; An anchor sweeps the galley an’—we lose a ne long, some short, Aits to roam, While showers of fallin’ aeronauts they lash the waves to foam! My mates was flattened out like soles, tut | adn’t time to feel For anyone; so off I dives an’ hides beneath the keel; An’ while I shake in terrer there, a bloomia’ human wreck, I hears them aviators still a-rainin’ on the deck To leave that keel, I tell ye, 1 was anythink Inspect them closely Till bumped in the backbone by a racin’ “ submarine Geto gh : “That's all, Oh, yes, they saved me, or I you couldn't tell the tale 1708 Flatiron Bidg., New York Some fell took the job on wi w Each listener mopped his Just think 0” that iropped a brace of coppers in the sad seafarer’s hat an eddicated It tears and observed, in te's direction comes a blessed hairy Sporting Tin Baseball Fatalities A baseball ¢ ball game That n from his slumber “Kill the umpire alf asleep he sprang out of bed knocked over the washstand “Fan.” “Did you kil * she inquired. replied John angrily. “ But T smashe | the pitcher." —Suecess, plane, an’ size— ¢ round, some flat it took the bloomin’ prize! so they goes a awful pace dam good cook; First aid to the host. Fine at meal time e ?a\ You can te all times a Blatz Bottle o block MILWAUKEE The one achievement in brewing. The veritable fulfillment of beer character, quality and Always the same Good Old Blatz. healthfulnes Ask for it at club, café or buffet. Insist on“ Blats.? Dealers are invited to covvestord dirret, VAL. BLATZ BREWING CO., MILWAUKEE, WIS, Write the Val. Hlats Brewing Ca, mentioning thie paper, for thel loteresing booklet eatitled ** A Genial PbGerepher.” comicbooks.com