Life — September 2, 1909 — page 41: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hopelessly Wrong « Hechling "" is often an entertaining, although <a tiresome incident of English polit- ty afters ‘ngs. The experienced public speaker Ye ble to turn the laugh on the inter- an? a * 2 oD espter, but in the case reported by a writer in eat dogs argumeg lit Bits 1 becomes cals dys E ives “afte nat a dy A political speaker was attacking the govern- nent wih more venom than reason, A man at the back of the hall at last cried out, “ You're ¥ sir!" ij nettled, the orator continued without Presently, in answer to another strong ‘on, came again, “ You're wrong, sir! peaker looked angry, but continued on th. “ You're wrong, sir!’’ again rang ly addressing the persistent interrupter. or cried, “Look here, I could tell this rething about the government which sould wake his hair stand on end!" ny wife You're wrong again, sir!’’ came from the ixhs 18) < he stood up and removed his hat. His 1 used te sas bald as a billiard ball—Youth’s 1 thes Handicapped wish to marry your daughter,” fal- young man. ch?" exclaimed the fond parent | | have been rather expecting this, and, hly orthodox, I shall put a few Do you drink?’ phor liquor.”” ch? Smoke?” use tobacco in any form?" Well, | didn’t suppose you ate it quent © race course? "’ I never saw a horse race in my life, sir.”” f Play cards for money y no, sir.” », I must say you are heay- My daughter is a thorough and I can’t for the life of me sce going to do with you. However, it’s | and if she wants to undertake the n risk it." —Tit-Bits, iI failure Do you Baldness Disposed of al Record has been directing its pon- lligence to the question of baldness. the usual methods of medical news- speaks with a certain air of omnis- though the cause and cure of baldness lers of positive scientific knowledge to rated like a problem in mathematic: ss to say that the medical profession hing whatever about baldness; that it re cure a bald head than it can cure head, and that its guesses have just uch value as those of the barber may suspect that the barber knows sore about baldness than the doctor, s a bald barber is a rarity, a r is a common and every-day sight. irbers choose some other profession become bald, but if they were wise in nd generation would cultivate 9,059-Word Business Book Free b trouble Simply send usa postal and ask for our free illus- ae trated 9.053. word Business Booklet which tells how a Shake fi} priceless Business Experience, squeezed from the lives of 112 big, broad, brainy, business men may be nade vours—yours to boost your salary, to increase ofts. “This free booklet deals with = t0 sei goods “Howto get money by maf How to stop cost leaks ‘How to vain and hah “Mow to get and hol “How to advertise ise office woethods tree book binds you to noth Tt may be the means of startin ser.” Surety you wil not deny yourselt hi ives cal ‘2 postal_—a penny het” Send Sead oa your geshewond Book ‘ \fretem, Dept. #21-15, 151-158 Wabash Are, Chicago, Il. The “No Duty” Wine Great Western is an American Champagne. Absence of duty reduces its cost 50%. That's the only reason Great Western Cham- pagne costs halt the price of the imported. Yet Great Western Champagne received a Gold Medal at Paris Exposition, 1900—and was the only American wine to be so honored. Right in the heart of the foreign wine country, among connoisseurs, Great Western was admitted to be equal to the French Brands. And was acknowledged superior to all other American Champagnes. Great Veen EXTRA DRY The American Champagne The reason for the equality of Great Western to the select French Wines is an open secret. The method of making Great Western Cham- pagne identical with the French process. Great Western Vineyards at Rheims, New York, are nearly a century old. One hundred ‘years of soil cultivation has developed the vine that produces that ideal, delicately flavored wine grape. No wine today can excel Great Western. Only the finest imported brands can equal it. PLEASANT VALLEY WINE CO., Sole Makers RHEIMS, N. Oldest Champagne House in Americ: Sold by grocers and lers in fine wines and served in Hotels, baldness rather than shun it. Perhaps the bald barber would sell less hair restorer, but he would make it up in other ways. His ministrations would be eagerly sought by those who wish to pass the inevitable monthly period of humiliation in meditative silence rather than in listening to counsel upon the preservation of the hair. Only a rare variety of hardihood will impel the bald- headed barber to recommend a hair restorer or to urge the claims of various methods of treat- ment. The bald-headed barber, when found, should be made a note of. He is filled with a sort of chastened humility that conduces to an admirable taciturnity. But to return to the Medical Record. The hat, it seems, is the cause of baldness. It is a common superstition, and no doubt it will hold the field until the profession shall dis. cover the microbe of baldness. Doubtless they are hot upon its trail and we shall presently learn that it is detected, isolated, cultured, and found amenable to some filthy decoction that must be subcutaneously injected into the blood A little later will come the usual demand for a quarantine upon all bald-headed people, for of course, baldness will be contagious. We shall be assured that vaccination in infancy against bald- ness should be made compulsory, and those who are so unfortunate as to be already afflicted be- fore the “Greatest Scientific Discovery of the Age’? may thank their stars if they escape a forcible scalping by the police—Argonaut. comicbooks.com