Life, 1909-08-05 · page 25 of 44
Life — August 5, 1909 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a domestic humor story (not a political cartoon) satirizing a husband's misguided "fire drill." Mr. Maltby conducts a surprise fire evacuation to test his household staff's response time, terrifying the maids Bridget and Delia. His wife arrives to find him conducting what he considers a reasonable safety precaution. The satire targets male self-importance and poor judgment: Maltby believes his "superior mind" justifies frightening the servants at night, dismissing legitimate concerns about their welfare. His wife's punishment is elegant—she forces him into the maids' cramped quarters for the summer and reminds him he can always test his own escape speed via the banisters, implying he's foolish rather than prudent. The title references the horse illustration (showing calm animals), suggesting humans should learn from animals' simple, unexcitable nature. The joke: intelligent people don't conduct dangerous pranks under the guise of safety.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE HORSE 1S AN In the meantime the girls, half hysterical, had hidden themselves behind the kitchen closet “You said the house was on fire,”” said Bridget thare’s nothing the matter that I can see.” “i'm thot scared,’” trembled Delia Maltby explained. He was just seeing how quick they could get out. He ordered them back to bed In the meantime, Mrs. Maltby aroused by the noise, and finding her husband absent, descended the stairs. What is the matter?"’ she exclaimed Nothing!" replied Maltby. “Just a fire drill, that’s all As long as you yourself care nothing for human life, why I must. I had a fire drill, Went up to the girls’ room and shouted ‘Fire!’ just to see if they could get out in time Very satisfactory all around would take this precaution.”’ Mrs. Maltby wrung her hands. Where are the girls?" she asked Gone back, of course, to sleep quietly and peaceably the rest of the night. Very intelligent girls those.’ “Don’t you believe it!” Even while she spoke, two figures once more descended the stairs. Each had a bundle “What's this?”” asked Maltby Bridget spoke. “We leave here on the first train in the morni But, don’t you understand. I was merely taking an ordinary precaution. T was looking out for you. I wanted “ Sure Any person of common sense INTELLIGENT ANIMAL to prove that you could get out in time. Just thi made it ina minute and a half. Not the slightest danger. If this cottage got afire, you could be out in a jiffy.”* Mrs, Maltby grabbed him by through the door gently but firmly eyes that he recognized meant “Go upstairs and leave me here!” she said. Maltby went It was perhaps half an hour later that his wife returned She was calm, but frigid. “You are a very intelligent person, arn't you? “T think Tam," replied Maltby weakly “You understand, of course, that if these girls don’t stay 7 k, you the arm and pushed him There was a fire in her usiness, even in the dim light she said. we shall have to give up this place and go back home, and that it will only cost you five hundred dollars for rent, besides the inconvenience and loss of health."* “ Are they going to stay?" asked Maltby hi was beginning to get interested in the possibilities. viewed the situation in that light before “On one condition, and that is that we occupy their rooms, athlessly. He He hadn't and they have these. Of course there was nothing else to do but comply, with two girls in such a hysterical condition.”” Maltby held up his hands But IT won't sleep a wink all summer!"" he exclaimed Maltby Bat T know that your superior mind has already considered that contingency. Besides, think of what a comforting thought it will be to know that you can slide down the banisters in a minute and a half after Bridget has called ‘ Fire!’ "* “Of course you won't,’’ replied Mrs comicbooks.com