Life — August 5, 1909 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE: Who's Who on Olympus By Joux Kexprick Baxcs Sarah Jane, sometimes called Demeter for short. Sister of Jupiter, and mother-in-law of Pluto. In charge of the Department of Agriculture in the Zeusvelt Administra- tion, and also an influential factor in its domestic policy. In her girlhood she worked up a corner in corn, which she dis- tributed gratis to the farmers of the earth, thereby winning for herself the proud title of Queen of the Produce Exchange, in contradistinction to that conferred upon Minerva as Chief of the Woman's Exchange. Married quite informally to her brother Zeus, by whom she had one niece, Persephone, who was kidnapped while yet a child by her Uncle Pluto. Went into mourning on hearing of the abduction, and cut off the supply of green corn at the Olympian groceries until the Supreme Court annulled the resulting marriage for the spring and summer seasons. During this period of retirement she served as a trained nurse in the sanitarium of King Keleos, proprietor of the Keleos Cure at Eleusis, her intimate know!- edge of the peculiar attributes of corn juice in a state of fermentation making her a valuable acquisition to an institu- tion of that kind. Was a frequent contributor of Cereal Stories to the leading agricultural periodicals of the day, notably to Country Life in Olympia, for which she wrote “Grafting Among the Gods,’ and “The Olympian Farmer's Friend."? During her period of sequestration she invented also the cucumber and the mock orange in order to revenge herself on the Fates, but upon her return to the happier environment of the social life, after the restoration of her daughter, she atoned the pumpkin, the squash and the Brus- sells sprout. Her first experiments in the making of cornbread muffins aroused the jealousy of Vulcan, who feared their sub- stitution for the thunderbolts of Jove, in the manufacture of which he held a monopoly, but as she gradually acquired per- fection in the art, and added thereto her masterpiece in ambrosial buckwheat cakes, the angry forge-master's wrath sub- sided. Her articles on“ Cabbage-Heads I Have Nursed,"" “ The Beets of Oly “What to Raise in Hades,” “ Mush as a Brain Food,’’ and “ How to Raise Egg-Plant Without a Hen, contributed to The Hades Home Journal, and her department in The Hoeman's Home Con n of “Side Talks with Crimson Ramblers,” have her name a household word on both sides of the river. Address, in care of Jupe’s Sced Catalogue Company, Cornhill Road, Eleusinian Fields, or The Suffragette Branch of The Anti-Nature Fakirs eddyville, D. C. made Association, Son of Colonel Kronos, founder of the Olympian Commission. Appointed Governor-General of the of Hades, the Red Light District of Olympia, by his brother, George W. Jupiter, Esq., and served many years as Honorary Janitor of the Elysian Flats, having complete charge of the Heating Plant thereof, and gaining thereby a reputation f the possession of such vast stores of riches that he was known luto. —William Henry. Square, and Eirene, Province comicbooks.com