Life — July 29, 1909 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

v " due you to send you a line of acknowledg ment. You might have gotten a lot of money out of me by representing that my case was curable. But you told me frankly that I was up against it, and offered me what conscla- tion you could. Ry the way, if you kno of a good office assistant, say about eigh with blue eyes, blond hair and a loving dis: position, please let me know. Yours, ete., We don't claim to cure everything. But because of our vast resources, we do claim to take every husband in hand, no matter what his condition of bondage, and cither give him complete mastery over his wife inside of a year, or else offer compensatory advantages, at a min imum rate, and without any publicity Our rivals may make all the cheap claims they want to. No doubt they will get a lot of trade—for the condition of most husbands in this country is so des- perate that they don't even stop to rea son—they are ready to take the first remedy that is offered But in the long run, our honorable methods with our customers, and the personal attention we give to our busi- nothing of some valuable WAM MERSTEIN ness—to 5 patents—are bound to win Remember we are the only and original Husband’s Correspondence Bureau. Get up enough courage to write to us secre' ly. It will pay you to do so. Huspano’s Corresroxpexcr: Bureav. i7 A Church Trust Needed LL the church organizations, the Protestant ones especially, make constant complaint about the scarcity of ministers and candidates for the minis- try. There are encouraging features about it, The Protestants are split up into too many sects, They ought to get together, abandon hundreds of starve- ling churches that are not needed, and pay living wages to the ministers in those that stay open Why don't they form a trust? Mr. Carnegie’s money for the pensioning of the ROCKEFELLER professors has done wonders to pu colleges on a common basis and make them work together for good Mr. Rockefeller is a good deal interested in the churches. Possibly he might do for them something in to what Mr. Car- negie has done for the colleges; estab- MARK TWAIN lish a big pension fund for ministers, on a basis that would tend to standardize ssential in the creed of the ake their is Protestant churches, so as to 1 ministrations increasingly interchange- able. The Office Boy Soliloquizes R EEMARKS clothed in fine langwage is seldom the naked trooth The way to git a bump of nowlege, is to use the hammer of ekspeerience With the “boss,” a long face gits a short welkum. Most luv making is of the soft variety, yet lots of fellers gits intoksicated with it. Sum peepel don’t put down ther eks- pencive habits til they ain’t got nuthing left to put up. Lots of fellers cood be drinking the kup of sucess if they dident allways want syphon on the side My “boss” is an anti-union sais if he had to do it over agin, b never git rharried. Whether the “ shees " vote or not, the “hees "' wil kontinue to pay the bills. When cgs is so high we got to cut down living ekspences, no body has to an. He wood ever git up a publick subskripshun fer the bar man, IRST GUEST: This place is healt isn’t it? Srcoxp Guest: It has been up to the time that a noted specialist from New York got into the habit of spending his ‘ow we have an opera- tion every week or so. summers here comicbooks.com