Life — July 29, 1909 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JOE CANNON and we could not spare him because we have constant need of effectual resist- ances. One of the hardest mouthfuls he has nowadays is the Jewish microbe, which is also very tough (and is indeed his first cousin), but has progressed through a different development, to different standards and aspiration. What the Jewish microbe will be like when our ‘American Puritan microbe has finished with him is one of the most interesting problems in bacteriology. Our Husband's Correspondence Bureau WE he hitherto rete mentioning the many rival cerns that have sprung up in our chosen field—not because we feared them at all. but because they really didn't amount to enough even to hint at But human credutity is so great, and the number of our competitors has in- creased so rapidly, that we feel impelled to utter a word of warni Competition is the life of trade. We want every husband in this country to be entirely unprejudiced in his selection of a sure cure for marriage. But we warn him that there is trouble ahead un- less he rigidly investigates all claims. Here's a rival concern, for example, Bs Ll hel ha Shorthand Portraits ROOSEVELT that offers to cure any wife of Christian Science in six weeks, or money refunded. We will put up a thousand dollars and make a present of it to any husband, whose wife has a genuine case of Chris- tian Science, who is willing to ad: that she has been cured of it by any Corre- spondence Bureau on earth. It’s all very woll to talk, brethren, but there are some things that none of us can do. Of course if a man marries a lady who is a Christian Scientist to start with, why he has no one to blame but himself. If she gets that way after he has married her—that is, if the thing gets started during his absence from home—he might as well accept his We are con- stantly in receipt of remittances fra forlorn husbands all over the co asking us to treat t ry ‘ir wives for Chris- tian Science. We always send back the money by return mail. musing to us to see the subterfuges our rivals resort to, in their It is highly ar attempt to impose upon husbands. They don’t dare use our name, of course. That is protected, infringement on our rights will be followed up by ac hort of corporation lawyers—we employ the best, and they are with us body and soul, because most of them are our ar- and filled with undying gratitude for what we have Jent customers and admirers done for them For example, one of our rivals, that calls itself the “ Husband's Mutual Pro- tective Association '’ has spread broad cast a circular claiming that any man nder their guidance can cure his wife of 0 two 1 sufferagitis in from six weeks months. And they offer to give a tn treatment for two weeks at half price. Gentlemen, don't be fooled! They will first get your money, and then ask for an extension, with a further rem’ tance. By and by you are in so deep that you hate to let go. In the mean- ime, your wife will be making stump speeches all over the country and laugh- ing you and them to scorn. No, there is only one thing to do with a lady who has sufferagitis. Give her a free rein. Get her to change her name if possible, so your friends won't guy you too much about it, and let her alone For cases like this—where there is no earthly cure—we have a number of pal- liatives. By paying for what we call our “Recreation Course’ we guarantee to give all husbands whose wives are incur able, such a good time in other ways, that they won't mind it much. Of course, we couldn't do it if we didn’t have cap- ital. That's where we get ahead of all rivals. We are able, for example, to maintain a complete vaudeville company, a sextette that is a combined dream of loveliness, just for the amusement of patrons who come on and have to wait at our office to make thei: Here's a letter fr that speaks for itself : arrangements. an old customer Dear Friend: T want to thank you for all that you have done for Itv referring to your files you will see that my wife is a combined Chris in. Scientist and woman suffragette also ig the past year, and since I have been your recreation course. my condition has been so much improved that I feel it is comicbooks.com