Life, 1909-07-22 · page 7 of 28
Life — July 22, 1909 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a satirical story titled "Horatius on 'Bridge'" about a card game where the protagonist Horatius plays bridge against opponents including "the Emir" and "Lars Porsena's suit." The narrative uses classical Roman references (Horatius, Lars Porsena) as humorous framing for what appears to be a contemporary bridge-playing scenario. The large left illustration shows "The Landing of the Pilgrims as it Might Have Been Had History Waited"—a surreal inversion where a massive boot crushes pilgrims and their ship, subverting the reverent historical narrative. This visual joke mocks nostalgic American mythology by presenting an absurdist "what if" scenario. The page also includes "Advice to Young Authors," showing Life's typical mix of humor, cultural commentary, and reader engagement through competitions and correspondence.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE LANDING OF THE PILGRIMS AS IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN HAD MISTORY WAITED Horatius on “* Bridge” ORATIUS was playing bridge with the Etru- rians. The score was several thousand to three, not in Horatius’ favor, and it was his deal. “How the Devil—pardon me! [must be up to date— How the Spirit of Error can I make it without,"" he mused in perplexity, “when there are three suits unprotected— my suit, Lars Porsena’s suit, and the tunic of Herminius? Nor can I make it hearts, for somehow I don't seem to have any heart in this game Of course there's diamonds ; but if I go and declare dia- monds on an original make, they'll be sure to think I'm a Jew. As for a spade or club defensive, just cast your eye over the assorted lot of sharp appendix - removers, fresh from the grindstone, that the opponents are dallying with, and see how much defense I'll get from a spade or a club.” At last, after much thought a way out of his difficulties THEY ARE NOT OUR MATCH AT LIARDS, TO RE SURE, BUT WITEN IT CoM TO ONE OF THOSE POOL TADLES I ADM. THEIR SUPREMACY.” him. “ “he yelled d into the help less Tiber. Robert G. Bellah Advice to Young Authors EGIN with a short story. suitable for newspapers. Almost any Write one story will do for that purpose Find a newspaper which is ce a prize © prize g tting the most coupons accompanied by the Dear Mr. Epitox I herewith su a very poor story for your competition. I have, however, a very fair competence of my own and considerable credit, so that I can assure you I will be able to buy a great many Fapers, far more than the prize we mount to. You understand, of course, that money is no object, as I only want to see my name in print Yours aspiring! Woovsy F A BITE AFTER THE THEATRE comicbooks.com