Life — July 1, 1909 — page 37: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

[SUMMER TRAVEL “The Best of Everything at the Best Time’ ——_—_._ Yellowstone Park, Alaska, Colorado, Canadian Pacific ity. ted" ‘Around the World. 35 Shorter Tours through New York, New England and | RAYMOND & WHITCOMB Co. 225 Fifth Avenue, New Yor! ‘ork BOSTON PHILADELPHIA PITTSBURGH Send for Booklet 2 Bill Stubbs Kansas views the activities of the new Gov- csnor with feelings of almost unmixed joy. But railways, whom he has disciplined with an i-pass law and several other forms of drastic lecislation besides the public commission bill, ¢ another idea about him. “What do you think of Stubbs?’’ a visitor cd one of the ex-railway lobl Well,” he replied, “he reminds me of the siory of a North Carolina wedding. ‘They as the Lord have jined, let no man put asunder,” says the parson “* Parson,’ says the bridegroom, ‘I rises to question your grammar in that sentence. We wants this wedding done right’ “When the smoke had cleared away the bride looked around on a dead minister, a dead brother, a dead bridegroom and several other dead men ng_near, and sighed. “Them newfangled, self-cocking revolvers,’ ssid she, ‘sure has played hell with my pros- pects.” "Boston Transcript. Made Resigning Easy When Delegate Mark Smith, of Arizona, was \ boy he lived on a big plantation in Kentucky. was in slave days and one of his father’s slaves was Uncle Ike, who was the preacher for he place. Smith's father had built a small church on a corner of the plantation and Uncle Ike held forth cre every Sunday. This was pleasing to Ike, cause it not only gave him a chance to exhort © negroes, but it absolved him trom any of the chores on Sunday One Sunday Mark went out by the barn and found Uncle Ike sitting disconsolately under a ce “Look here, Ike.”’ said Mark, “ why ain't you down there preaching to-day? “Well, Mars Mark,’’ Ike replied, “I ain't goin’ to preach to dem niggahs no more. They’s always fightin’ 'mongst theyselves an’ I'm sick tired an’ done quit preachin’. “Stop your lying, Ike," said Mark. "You wouldn't quit such a soft snap as that. What's the matter?" * Well, Mars Mark,"’ Ike replied, “ ef you mus’ know, dem triflin’ niggahs done sent me my resignashun.’"—Saturday Evening Post. Tiere are probably few better raconteurs alive an is the Duke of Argyll, and in his memoirs has told some inimitable stories. One of the best concerns a showman’s ape which paid a isit with its master to Inverary. During its y there it ped from its cage, but came to grief through want of food, and died by the road- side. Two Scotch farmers came across it, and were much puzzled what to make of it. “ Dear i Spend your vacation on } Quaint Cape Cod Ideal for vacations—seashore, woods, country, fishing, boating, bathing. Send for free, beautifully illustrated book. A. B. Smith, G. P. A., Room 185, New Haven, Conn., New Yor Haven & Hartford R. Re 9 ture’s Life-Making Forces are concentrated in every kernel of barley. This noble cereal contains, a high percentage of all the cell-creating elements essential for the development of blood, bone and tissue. When properly malted and its juices scientifically fermented with Saazer Hops—the result is pANHEUSER-BUSoy,. This world-famed tonic has restored health to many a nerve wrecked man and woman—it feeds the life-cells—increases the flow of gastric {oicee, simulates the muscles of the stomach and renews in the blood- less and poorly nourished a feeling that new life beats and pulsates strong within them. Order of your Druggist or Grocer today—have it delivered at once. For 12 tops of Red Metal caps from Large Malt-Nutrine Bottles with Gold ‘rade-mark or 24 from Split Bottles with Black Trade-mark and 1Sc for postage, ‘wo will send one of our Vienna Art Plates to any address in the United States, ANHEUSER-BUSCH, St. Louis, Mo. “GEE, 1 WONDER WHAT THAT POOR FELLOW GOT SUCH A SENTENCE FoR?"’ me, what na beast’s yon?’ asked one. “It's no a beast, it’s a man,” said the other. After care- fully examining it one of them said, “It’s a man, but did ye ever sce such a hairy man! It canna be a Highlander—no, no, it canna be a High- lander; do ye think it’s a Lowlander, Donald? '* “T think not; I don’t think a Lowlander is quite ever, ever so hairy as yon."” “Dear me," said the first speaker; “I think it canna be a High- lander; I think it canna be a Lowlander. I'll tell you what we'll do, we'll just go to the Castle and see if any of the English visitors are missing since yesterday.""—M. A. P. “ Marniep his stenographer, didn’t he?" “Yes, and he’s been short-handed ever since.’” —Puck, comicbooks.com