Life — May 20, 1909 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

= AUT SCISSORS AvT NULLUs The Question of the Day My soul is worn with a futile fret, My heart is bowed with a carking care; I try to rise above it—yet Of some things one can't be unaware! Incessant Is my heart-strings tear— Continued failure my spirit grieves And 1 ask myself in a wild despair, What shall I do with my last year's sleeves? Instead of a long, straight, tight, tucket net, I see a hopeless balloon affair; Here a medallion, and there a rosct Ending in frills of a hideous flare Leaving my forearm shamelessly bare ;— With mortification my bosom heaves As the other women covertly stare. What shall I do with my last year's sleeves? I buy each pattern that I can get (Oh, those perforations—round and square!) Those notches I vainly try to set! That fulness that won't go anywhere! Ready-made sleeves are a trap and a snare. A lace lower half no one de ‘ (And the real ones cost $12.98 a pair!) vor Poet, you sing to a lightsome air Of last year’s roses or snow or leaves; But I gnash my teeth, and I tear my hair! What shall I do with my last year’s sleeves? —Carolyn Weils, in Harper's Magazine. “SNOT A WORM UNTIL YOU EAT EVERY BIT OF THAT BIRD-SEED, WILLIE!” A Twenty-first Century Wooing The grave, young medical man entered the front parlor with sober mien. Unfastening his small black satchel, he produced a little purple ial, and taking therefrom a tiny bug he slipped it into a hypodermic syringe and advanced to- ward the shrinking girl. “No, no!” cried the pretty Penclope. “It cannot be. I could never love you in the world.” “You just wait until Mr. Coccusamoritis gets busy in your delicate blue veins,” said the young doctor, injecting the Love Germ. Their devotion is now almost proverbial — Long, Long Thoughts The following golf story has been associated with the name of Oscar Asche. He began a round rather badly, but at length got in a really clean shot. Turning to his caddy, a dour Scotch youth, he said: “Now, then, I'm not the worst player you've carried for, am 1?” There was no reply. Later on, a long putt was successfully holed, and Mr. Asche cried again: “What did I tell you? I'm not the worst player you've car- ried for, am 1?” There was a long pause Then the caddie replied: “Man, I'm just thinkin’ !"—M. A. P. He Liked His Straight “Intemperance,” said Horace Bixey, the old- est Mississippi pilot, “is what kills most of us off. Once we fished out a passenger who had been soaking in the river for half an hour. When the whisky was brought, the victim's lips moved slightly, and I stooped to get his last words, “*Roll me on a bar'l fust and get some o° this water out,’ he said faintly. ‘It'll weakea the licker.’ "—Success. A Literary Evening As Jones wended his uncertain way homewant he pondered ways of concealing his from his wife. “I'll go home and read cided.“ Whoever heard of a drunken ing a book?” Later Mrs. Jones heard a noise in the library. “What in the world are you doing in there?” she asked. “ Reading, my dear,” Jones replied cheerfully. “You old idiot!” she said scornfully, as she looked in at the library door, “shut up that What shall I do with my last year's sleeves? Brooklyn Life. valise and come to bed.”—Success. is publishes ates, Great Hritain, Canada and Briish Possessions, $520 y Meer Addi " the Postal Union sss years o Canadse $3 cent," Singlecarent copies, 1oeena. hack number, attr three Months from dtte of publication, 25 cents ‘No contribution will be rerurned wntess accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Lire does not hota self vesponsibne for the (oss or mon return af wnsouciied contrt@ntions. Lives tor sale by all Newsdcalers in Great Britain, ‘The Interoational News Company, Breams ngiand. AGrnts. Brentano's, 37 Ave, de Opera. Pari: also at Starbach Coventry Street, Leicester Square, W. London: 9, Ret St. Georges. Pari ‘Mayence, Germany. The text and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. The text may be used. giving Lire de credit; but the ilnstrations are not to be reproduced without special permission obtained i advance Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any chance of address. Building, Chance A Bottled Delight The convenience of simply having to pour Cius CockTAILs over ice, makes them the ideal drink to serve at home or on an outing. No need of collecting several bottles of in- gredients—no fuss over mixing. CLUB CockTAILS are mixed to measure—the best cocktail possible— always ready for use. Martini (gin bcse) Manhattan (whiskey base) are always popular. Get a bottle from your dealer. G. F. HEUBLEIN & BRO. Hartford New York There's Only One HAVE YOU EVER SEEN TOPS so shabby as to spoil the appearance of the cars they were on? Have you noticed that they were in- variably covered with ma- terials of the “Cloth on both sides” variety? They can’t be thoroughly cleaned and no cloth is absolutely fast to sunlight. GENUINE LEATHER is easily cleaned, its sur- face can’t fade, and it has two layers of waterproof- ing gum. When order- ing your top don’t be fooled by the misleading appearance (when new) Of interior goods offered by dealers to increase their profits at your expense To Material ‘Send postal for samples snd ‘booklet on tops THE PANTASOTE CO. Green Kite. comicbooks.com