Life — April 8, 1909 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Correspondence School for Husbands Vv UR patrons should remember that our school is not for the benefit s, but is open for all nds, or husbands of limited ¢ Old and decrepit husl who have been hen-pecked inch of their lives, and are broken in spirit, are the very ones that we can help the most. We can put new life anit energy into the most hopeless speci- men of a husband that ever walked around on all fours. A sample lesson must convince anyone, Read this: Dear Burean: F Two weeks azo T was a wretched and spir- itless m ier the domination of a suf fragette ale my life miserable by re- citing specches all over the house, who didn care whether we had a servant or not, st starved me to death, The worst of it was that T applauded her stand, and fecbly echoed all her opinions. After taking one day's treatment, all was changed. She is now working on the job fifteen hours a day. while I have gained four pounds and have taken up golf. S assorted lot of superior cuss wort her in Our treatment is quiet, effectual and swift. It involves a minimum of ex- pense, Indeed, you can save enough from your wife to pay for more than the whole course, which omits nothing. Last week we explained what we did for the young and inexperienced hus- band, The next step is for the Middle Aged Husband. This course is thor- oughly comprehensive. It begins with the fifteenth anniversary and (merely to show that we consider everything) teaches the husband how to remember this anni- versary beforehand, how to allude to in a way that will cause wonder in the wife. It deals with the membership of clubs, the arrangement and final consummation of all poker partics, shows how to avoid all disputes in the raising of children, and in general enables every husband who has a particle of native talent to be- come a finished liar without lowering his moral tone for an instant. It shows him how to avoid going to the opera. how to be nice to his wife's friends without associating with them, how to smoke to excess without being criticised, nd how to avoid taking his wife abroad or on an otherwise expensive trip to Bermuda. This claim on our part may scem extraordinary, as it is well known that every middle aged couple in the country always go on a trip to Bermuda But we can prove our case to all who iry our course. Read and ponder. Kind friends: . Up to the time of my taking your course I verily believe that my wife was the most restless woman one: he Continually wanted to he doing something. This year she set her heart on Bermuda, and I should be there now if it weren't for you. I fol- lowed your instructions minutely, with the result that she has go: a prolonged visit to a maiden aunt in New England, at scarce ly any expense, and Tam sitting up with the boys playing jack pots five nights in the week, and having a high old time. God bless and keep you in your grand work. Always your devoted This is only one of many thousand letters being constantly received. As for old husbands, to say that we put new life into them is a conservative state- ment. We give them a chance to renew their youth, at small expense, and with- out their wives interfering in the slight- est degree. Think of what this means? We expect soon to have a Husbands’ Chapter, which will constitute a branch oi our bureau, in every town and hamlet throughout the length and breadth of the land, In this way local husbands can help each other. They will be a mutual prop, and no wife will dare to raise her head outside of the woman’s club. This brings us to an important matter, namely,—How women’s clubs shall be treated? When hu re thoroughly nized, every woman's club, and bands or: every movement for woman’s alleged rights, will of course be properly regu- lated. In the meantime, we must not despair. We are on the eve of a great husbands’ movement—a movement to strike terror into every female breast. The Emanuel movement will be as noth- ing to it 1 TOLD YOU NOT TO FLY overs Pittspurcit! PICKED UP AT SEA —— ae