Life — January 7, 1909 — page 48: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

"LIP E* Take a Couple of Sheets of COUPON OND hold them diagonally before you, grip them firmly in both hands, then jerk them, pull them, strain them, try to tear them apart. * Then make this test with any other business paper. COUPON BOND THE DE LUXE BUSINESS PAPER will stand this test or any other you can name where all “near bond” business papers fail. It’s the brand new rag, the finest, toughest factory clippings, and the slow old-fashioned semi - hand - made way they’re worked to- gether that give to COUPON BOND its unequalled resisting power and strength. The superior quality and worth of this splendid paper is evident in every sheet; not one weak or imperfect spot can be found ina thousand reams. Wise buyers who demand stationery worthy of be are buyers who take heed to COUPOK ZOKD Write us for samples of this splendid paper in all colors. AMERICAN WRITING PAPER CO. » Largest Manufacturers of Commer. cial Paper in the World, 29 Mills HOLYOKE, MASS. NEXT THING YOU WILL see siGNs “ THE TREES.”? Kerr ovr AROUND THE ORIENT xc M. JOHNSON-BROWN & CO. XEW CONSIGNMENT OF OBJECTS OF ART No. 17 West 31st Street, New York WORLD CRUISES | 000 Tons—Feb. 4, Oct. 16) $ JROPE. $250 Up ¥. ©. CLARK, Times Building, New York Another Case! “J ASSURE you, gentlemen, 1 was as much astonished at hearing the thing as you are in hearing me tell of it,” said Balaam. “ It was about that bit of business in connection with Balac, that you've heard me mention, and I was riding my old white ass up the side of the mountain, and when we came to a narrow path between two vineyards the old brute shied, and did it so suddenly that she ground my leg against the wall. That made me mad, and I fetched her a lick across the flanks that made her jump. But instead of going forward she began to back and throw up her hea if she was frightened at something. That only made me whale her the more. And then the most extraordinary thing happened. It seems incredible and impossible, but I've got the affidavits of the two men servants that were there on the spot, who saw it and heard it. That old ass turned her head, looked straight in the eye, and said just as plainly as I am talking now: “‘What are you hitting me, for?” “Well, gentlemen, I thought I should fall in my tracks! I just—” But he got no further. Ss were iled with: N. Faker!” “Liar!” “ Unqualified Liar!” As he fled to the security of his own tent: IS. “Whewx a man talks about luck,”’ said Uncle Eben, “ he nearly allus means hard luck. "Cause when he's prosperous he's gwinter take all de credit foh his Star, EXTRA DRY AMPAGNE Our vineyards are the oldest in America. Culti- vation of nearly one hundred years has given the soil the elements to to produce the finest quality—rich, deli- cately flavored—Cham- pagne grape. Great Western was recognized by Paris- jans and awarded a gold medal at Paris. me From all sides his own smahtness."’—Washington who | night the n He tl the w “Perfect DressTie. at “THE TIE WITH THE BUTTON-ON TABS 1S ‘SOLD IN THE BEST SHOPS ALL OVER THE WORLD. YOU CAN OBTAIN IT ANYWHERE AT HOME OR ABROAD. OUR LABELIS ON EVERY TIE. PATENTED AND MADE ONLY BY.__. Keys & Lockwoop UNION SQUARE NORTH, NEW YORK Stays Put” The sever: cours this much the q The Joke of Long Ago The joke, the joke, the dear old joke, he joke of long ai joke that Adam heard when he k Eve to see a show. That joke about the Easter hat— What The gibe The money pa n eschews for Lent edifyi pout the summer a spent hel’s bathing suit, On May's engagement rinj On amateurs who try to pl On girls next door who sing. October jokes on eruel Clare, To shivering George a dre Two months ago he pawned his coat To purchase her ice-cream: The joke that tells how Is waited on by Herr: With whom she spooned upon the beach— With whom she led the Those jests about suburbanites Who never catch the train, The jests that hit the stranded troupe ‘That tramps to town again, The jokes about loquacious kids, And girls who drop their fare; The mundane maid who's looking for A half-dead millionaire. The jest about the saint who's bald, The wind and Bessic’s hose; How Oscar tried to reach her mouth, And landed on her nose. Those jokes about the boarding house, The new wife and her cake That never in the world is like What mother used to make. In years gone by, we'd sit and smile, As we would read them o'er; But that was once upon a time, And now we smile no more. They bring to mind rich relatives— They never die, you know, Those poor consumptive piebald jokes— Those jokes of long ago. Joseph van Raa Mrs. The joke on ladys shops, erman, EN LIMITED, conducted URO | DE POTTER TOURS, 32 Broadway, N.Y. (30th Yeu! comicbooks.com