Life, 1908-12-03 · page 38 of 68
Life — December 3, 1908 — page 38: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Cartoon:** A wealthy host questions guests about their sons' colleges. One father admits he cannot afford Yale or Harvard, and his son lacks the "piety" for Princeton, so he's put the boy to work instead. This mocks the era's assumption that only the wealthy could educate sons at prestigious institutions, and satirizes how colleges served as markers of social class and religious affiliation. **Bottom Section ("The Knight Before Christmas"):** "Cousin Pete" suffers from "nervous dyspepsia" and believes overeating relieves it. He's cycled through various health fads (Fletcherism, water-cures, etc.), now embracing gluttony. This satirizes early 20th-century Americans' obsession with dietary trends and pseudo-scientific wellness crazes. **"Backward" Essay:** Satirizes American social-climbing and genealogy-book publishing. While Britain boasts 3,500 "distinguished" names versus America's 3,100, the piece mocks American aspirants for rushing into "gentility" through real estate speculation and quick social advancement, lacking Britain's slow historical cultivation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
weOr LIFESOR “WHAT COLLEGE ARE you G TO SEND YOUR Boy 10?"" “NOT ANY. I HAD TO GIVE IT UP, HE HASN’T MUSCLE ENOUGH 10 GO TO YALE FOR MARVARD; ME ISN'T PIOUS ENOUGH FOR PRINCETON, SO 1’VE SET HIM TO WORK and another one is not due until three."’ The host turned disconsolately to a thin, nervous, pale looking man on his right. “Well, Cousin Pete, what can I do for you?" Give me everything in sight—turkcy, light and dark meat, turnips, celery, potatoes, chicken pie, cranberry sauce, sweet pickles, pumpkin pie, apple pie, cake, ice cream, coffee, bananas, nuts and raisins—just put me down for the whole menu, from Leginning to the end.” The host smiled once more, a cheerful, Christmas smile, “What is the matter with you?" he asked. Cousin Pete twisted uneasil “T've got nervous dyspepsi plied, “and the only thing that relieves me is fill myself up as full as possible with everything there is."* “And does it agree with you? You bet it does, I'm getting better every minute."" “How did you get it in the first place? Cousin Pete looked around at the others. * First," he said, “I was a lactic acid fiend, then I became a Fletcherite, then a rootite, and then a hot water crank Now I'm a glutton, and please God, I THE KNIGHT BEFORE CHEISTUAS shall never be anything else.” 7. L. M. } HE CAN'T PURNISH ENOUGH ANCESTORS Tuy oFFicE.’* Backward OME genius for social distinctions, searching for names fit to go in a book costing five . has found among us no fewer than 3,100 such, as against only 3,500 in Great Britain. Does it not argue something for the quality of our civilization when the British, though they have been culti- vating the flower of gentility ten times as long, should yet prove but a paltry 400 specimens ahead? The truth seems to be that our cousins are temperamentally slower. They will dawdle away three generations over the making of a gentleman, whereas we often rush the business off in as many days, even where a preliminary flotation of securities is necessary. And many of our authors blossom forth in a single night. We have certain natural advantages, too. Notably, our deposits of copper are much richer. And the enhance- ment of real estate has with us a scope and significance unknown over in that sadly retarded country. Ramsey Benson.