Life, 1908-11-05 · page 42 of 48
Life — November 5, 1908 — page 42: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces reflecting early-20th-century anxieties about modern life's compromises. **"The Substitutes"** is a poem lamenting societal decline. It expresses nostalgia for idealized predecessors—romantic lovers, simpler times with strong faith, and great statesmen like Lincoln—while suggesting contemporary replacements are inadequate. The refrain "Here's something just as good" from Dan Cupid, Father Time, and Uncle Sam is ironic: clearly, they're *not* good substitutes. **"The Diary of a Note-Book Slave"** satirizes modern dependence on organization systems. A man keeps an obsessive pocket notebook tracking duties. His girlfriend demands he abandon this "slavery" to prove manhood. After a thief steals it, he briefly feels liberated—then obtains a replacement. The darkly comic ending: his attempted self-improvement fails; he loses his job, the girl marries someone else, and he ends up homeless. The joke: breaking free from modern systems of self-management proves impossible. Both pieces mock contemporary American culture's contradictions between tradition and modernity, and between aspirations for freedom and actual dependence on new social structures.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
a A a al FOR CENTURIES THE LIQUEUR OF POLITE SOCIETY LIQUEUR Peres (ihartTeu At Brateclass Wine Merchants, Grocers, Hotels, Cafes Bitjer & Co.. 45 Br ew York, N.Y. Sole Agents fur United states, JOHN JAMESON We] WHISKEY You are offering the best when you serve Jameson’s Sole Agents W. A. TAYLOR & CO, New York THE SUBSTITUTES We want to see a lover bold To woo and win the fair, A knight with sword of ringing steel Al hot with love to dare. We want a figure to admirs And not a stick of wood: “All out of that,” Dan Cupid says, “Here's something just as good.” We ask to see some good old days Such as our fathers knew, When life was simple, faith was strong And every heart was true. That he has any more in stock Phere seems small likelihood; AMl out of « says Father Time, “Here's something just as good.”” We ask to see a statesman great, A man of Lincoln's type, For times are troubled, classes war, And need of him is ripe. We want his patience, wisdom, love, That wrong may be withstood; “ AMI out of that.” says Uncle Sam. Here's so hing just as good.” —Sun. THE DIARY OF A NOTE-BOOK SLAVE August 9.—I shall never forget the words she said to me last ni jcorge,” she said, “I respect you. I will go so far as to say I love you. You have no bad habits: you do not eat ice cream, drink, smoke, Yet you are a slave, and I cannot marry a slave, You have a master that you must ‘overcome. away and overcome him, and then come back to me.” My step was light and bounding as I strolled quickly away. My resolution was taken. I would be a man, and BURN MY NOTE ROOK. When I reached home I opened it, glanced over my list of duties for the following day, added the me- mento “burn your note book," and got into bed. August 12.—The task is harder than I anticipated. Heretofore I have borne my chains lightly, instinct- ively, half conscious of my servitude. Now full knowledge of my slavery has leaped into existence. I strain beneath my yoke. This monster that op- presses me has suddenly awakened, and my hand goes to my breast pocket no longer automatically but self-consciously. Perhaps it would be best to break off gradually, and so to minimize the full force of the shock. September 4.—My note book has been stolen! It was snatched from my hand by a thief, just as I was getting off a street car, making a note to dismount. I remember my wild appeal, my desperate plight, my frantic and fruitless pursuit. Byt to-night a weight scems lifted off my brain. For the first ti left Mary I went home and slept like a little child. I went to the office on time this morning without suggestion. (Cuff memorandum: Car home, 5.30. Supper, un- dress, bed, sleeve: s, clean shirt.) September 6.—It has come back. The thief was captured. To-day the police brought me a flat red note book and asked if it was mine. I tried to deny it, but my tongue would not frame the words. Two ars to be work off. ve bought another note book— I shall write things that I am I remember reading that red ants can be destroyed by bringing in black ones: perhaps the two note books will neutralize each other. Late at the office again. September 9.—They have combined! September 10.—Discharged from job. (Memorandum A: Look for job.) (Memorandum B: Don't go to old office to-mor- row.) Midweinter.—Smith married Mary yesterday. I stood outside the church as they came out. Mary looked happy; Smith careworn, Had oblong bulge in breast pocket of frock-coat (Memorandum Az Coffee bread line midnight.) (Memorandum B: Don't sleep—park policeman.) — Harper's Weekly. swear or chew e since I $12 THE FACT THAT THE BULK OF THE WHISKEY SOLD THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES IS BLENDED PROVES THE POPULARITY OF THIS FORM OF WHISKEY Baltimore 1S A BLEND OF MARY- LAND'S PUREST STRAIGHT RYE WHISKIES OF UNI- FORM EXCELLENCE AND IS THE PERFECTION OF QUALITY AND FLAVOR es oF, Bold at all Mretctass cal Wit. LANAHAN & SON, baltimore, Creat Wok EXTRA DRY Nearly one hundred years of soil cultivation in our vineyards has de- veloped vines that pro- duce.a fine quality champagne grape. This ideal, rich wine grape—combined with French methods of making— makes possible this su- perior Champagne. PLEASANT VALLEY WINE CO.