Life, 1908-10-15 · page 9 of 28
Life — October 15, 1908 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the 1912 presidential campaign through two main sections: **"Campaign Cogitations"** (left): A lengthy poem by Frank C. Wellman mocking Republican and Democratic party platforms, conventions, and campaign promises. It ridicules both parties' rhetoric as empty, their platforms as weightless, and predicts the inevitable parade of political speeches and disappointed voters. **"All in the Same Boat"** (right): A cartoon showing politicians in a rowboat, with accompanying dialogue about a "cheerful one" asking passengers how they're feeling—satirizing how politicians feign concern for constituents while all parties are essentially adrift together with no real solutions. **"Modern Campaigning"** (bottom left): Notes that Republicans are using full-page magazine ads for their presidential candidate, with a mock ballot showing "N. William Howard Taft." The overall message: all political parties make identical hollow promises regardless of differences.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE: w7 All In the Same Boat Campaign Cogitations HE Republican convention has assembled and dispersed ; The achievements of the party have been vividly rehearsed The standard-bearer stable Can display the “ union label” As the logical successor of Theodore the First And the Grand Old Party Jumbo, with a record-breaking load, Comes a-swinging down the turnpike in the middle of the road. The cohorts of Democracy have marshaled in the West; The oracles have spoken and delivered their behest; And the long-eared, lank and bony Little Democratic pony Comes a-loping down the alley on the Presidential quest: While the ever Peerless Prophet from the city by the Platte Sits a-straddle of the saddle where he has so often sat The rival party platforms have declared the party creed : Every plank’s been weighed and tested, and its soundness guaranteed. With astuteness diplomatic, And in language most emphatic, Each avers its fond devotion to the people's every need Darkly hinting that the Ship of State will founder in a squall If the other party captures Uncle Sammy in the fall. The old familiar issues will be dug up from the dust, Rejuvenated, galvanized, and heatedly discussed With objurgations hearty, Each will brand the other party As the agent of disaster or the creature of the trust. While “injunction '—pro and anti—will be buried out of sight By injunctions to the voter as to how to vote aright. Soon our halls and auditoriums will vibrate with the sound Of impassioned oratory and with eloquence profound ; While discussions academic, Disputatious and polemic, Fret the poor, befuddled voter till his brain whirls round and round ; And he breathes a silent, fervid prayer that some fair day ahead Every blasted living issue may be settled and get dead. Our streets will be congested with processions and parades; The fife and drum will torture us with noisy serenade: The bands and campaign hooters With their gangs of youthful rooters Will keep us in a fever with their pranks and escapades: And transparencies and banners will our old farm-horses scare As they flaunt their flaming legends in our village thoroughfare And when the struggle’s over and the hurly-burly’s done, When the verdict has been rendered and the victory has been won, The defeated aggregation Will declare for publication That Democracy’s a failure and the country*is undone. And the poor, old undone country will resume her wonted jogs, And contentedly continue on her journey to the dogs. Frank C. Wellman. Modern Campaigning HE Republican National Committee is using full p: vertisements in the magazines to boom its: Presidential There is no doubt that advertising brings results, polling clerks must not be surprised if they find ballots in the box marked as follows: For President: X William Howard Taft. (Saw your ad. in Bunsey’s Wee THE CHEERFUL ONE He sees you are dozing, he knows you are ill, Tut he till sidle up just to say, As he crowds b “Well, how's the boy feeling to-day?” kay person on half of your chair, Wa're trying to rest on your trip Who insists on your secing the steamer On the opposite of the ship! INKS: I see Butt-In is giving his baby goat's Jexxs: How's that? Jixxs: To develop the old family habit, I suppose.