Life — June 11, 1908 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ba THEIR ESCAPE A happy smile the young man wore And yet I knew be must be sore. His eyes were swollen nearly shut His chin was bruised, his ear was cut. And yet you saw i He fairly radiated spite of this The girl seemed very happ Although she was all black and blue. Her hat, poor thing, was knocked awry (She was uncommon sweet and shy). Her face by scarlet spots was marked; In places, too, the skin was barked. I looked and wondered at the pair. They both seemed quite used up, for fair. ‘The impulse I could hardly check To ask them all about the wreck, Or why and for what fancied fault ‘They had encountered the assault, And way her showed no great distress But really beamed with happiness, Until at last I heard him say “Well, after all, we got away “It’s foolishness, that throwing shoes, I think I am one solid bruise.”* And from some other things they said I gathered they were newly wed. —The Wasp. Mexrat dissolution: That condition where you are perfectly tatisfied with your religion, education and government.—Phil- istine. sAUT SCISSORS odblle Je: 2 THEODORE’S ROAR FOR FOUR MORE. “Four battleships,” said Theodore, “I want—and want exactly four, No less, no more.” “1'll give you two,” Nunk Sammy said. “Now you be good and go to bed And rest your head." “T want four battleships, I do! You shall not cut my want in two! Boohoo! Boohoo!"" “I'll give you just two battleships! Now quit your crying, close your lips— You'll get the pips."" Aut NULLus AN EPIGRAM AND AN AD Prof. Charles ZueUlin, the brilliant and original sociologist of the University of Chicago, enunciated before the League of Political Education in New York a superb epigram: “He who begins with saving to protect his family may end with neglecting his family to save.” Discussing the dangers of immoderate saving Prof. Zucblin said the other day “It's by saving immoderately that we come to inserting want “T want four ships,” cried Theodore; “I want no less, I want no more ‘Than four, four, four!" “Big boys like you ought not to baw For such expensive toys at all: You've got the gall!”* “I want my ships—one, two, three, four, And till T get "em I will roar,” Quoth Theodore. —New York Sun, ““Witat sort of a looking chap is Gussy?* “Well. if you ever see two men in a corner and one look s bored to death, the other one is Gussy."—London Opinion. Tn cat had just eaten the canary. ‘I hated to eat the foolish thing,” remarked the cat, “but when a bird breaks out of its cage and fles down your throat, what can you do?”"—Philadelphia Ledger, Axcey Scor: Look bere, Mr. O'Brien, I've the verra greats est respect for yer country, but ye mauna forget this: Ye can sit on a rose and ye can sit on a shamrock, but, O, moo, ye canna sit on a thistle.—Success Magazine BALZAC AND THE THIEF A story, said to be new, of Balzac is related by a French cove temporary. A burglar gained admission to Balzac’s house and was soon at work, by the light of the moon, at the lock of the secretaire in the novelist’s chamber. Balzac was asleep at the time, but the movements of the intruder aroused him. The burglar, who was working most industriously, paused. A strident laugh arrested his operations and he beheld by the moonlight the novelist sitting up in bed, his sides aching with laughter, “What is it that makes you merry?! demanded the bs “I laugh,” replied the author of “Pere Goriot,” “to th you should come in the night without a lantern to search my secretaire for money when I can never find any there in broad daylight." Westminster Gazette Tie Lazy KINGHISHER advertisements like one I saw recently—'Wanted, capable office boy: salary, $1 a week.” “A young man of Seminary Avenue, noticing this advertise- meat, couldn't resist replying to it. His reply ran “I beg to offer you my services. Should you require a premium I could furnish $500. You do not mention Sundays— should I have to work oa that day? Neither do you state whether the applicant must be clothed or not, but I have co luded that he must at least wear trousers, or he would be unable to carry home his wages."""—Washington Star. 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