Life — June 4, 1908 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

, bet to ed that h mise, be, vald be = Ready to Open an Account «PLEASE write your name on that line,” said the bank teller, pushing a book and a pen toward be old woman, “Do yez want me to sign me first name?” she asked, as she took the pen. “Yes, your full name and middle initial, if you have any.” “Do yez want me husband's name?” “Yes, his last name, but your own first name.” “Oh, me name befure I was married?” “No, your given name—Elen, or Bridget” “Sure, but me name is naythur wan o” thim!” “Well, what is it, then?” “Sure, it’s Mai well. There are others waiting in the line, urry and write your name.” minute. Do yez want the ‘Mrs.'?"” mind that. Now, go ahead. “Sure, I'd do that, honest, I would; but, you see, sor, I can’t write !"—Success. Rough on the Rustic USTIC (to conductor): Which end of the car do I get off? Coxpuctor (politely): Whichever end you prefer; toth ends stop.—Montreal Star. REDERICK THE GREAT, who, although a crank, was, in many respects, a hard-headed old an, had no very high opinion of the doctors In his last illness he was attended by the cekebrated Dr. Zimmerman, of Hanover. One day the king said to him: “You have, I presume, sir, helped many a man into another world. This was rather a bitter pill for the doctor, but the dose he gave the king in return was a judicious mix- cof truth and flattery. “Not so many as your Majesty, nor with so much enor 10 myself.” This reply of Zimmerman was in a line with that of Colman, who says that “the doctors and the mili- oth deal in death.”"—Wasp. Optimistic to the End Sou ime ago there was a flood in western Penn- s eve yivania, An old fellow who had lost nearly he possessed was sitting on the roof of the floated along when a boat approached. Hello, John,” “Hello, Dave.” “Are your fowls all washed away, John ?” “Yes, but the ducks can swim,” replied the old pple trees gone?” ‘cll, they said the crop would be a failure, any- the flood’s away above your window.”” s all right, Dave. Them winders needed washin', anyhow.” —Philadel phia Ledger. The Child Father to the Man HOSE persons who think they sec in Mr. Roosevelt an alarming disposition to regulate ople’s affairs will be interested to learn how s tendency was manifested. Theodore was quite a little boy, his father told him that he was going on a long journcy and ad- monished young Ted to be a good boy and take good care of his mother. That night, in his prayers, the lad asked the Almighty to watch over his father, who Was traveling far from home, and to help him be a geod boy. ‘Then he added : “As for mother, I will look after her myself.”— Success, In Pittsburg CLEANLINESS is notnext to godliness; it's next ‘You Will Enjoy JAPAN It’s so different—so unlike America, the strong contrast makes it interesting. The odd customs, the beautiful parks and flower festivals, the quaint shops and theatres, and the centuries-old Shrines and Temples charm and delight the tourist. Plan to go on the famous Steamship “MINNESOTA” largest, most comfortable steamship in Trans- Pacific service; follows the warm Japan current, Seattle to Yokohama. Shortest route to the Orient. For illustrated folder and full information, address any representative of the Great Northern Railway, Northern Pacific Railway, or Great Northern Steamship Co., ALL. CRAIG General Passenger Agent St. Paul W. A. ROSS Assistant General Passenger Agent Seattle av. C. THORN ‘Traveling’ Passenger Agent 209 Adams Street, Chicago NEW YORK OFFICES: 379 and 319 Broadway THE EDGEMERE CLUB HOTEL Elgeaeet Long Llsad Announces as the date of opening JUNE 15th Exceptionally accessibly located—only 30 minutes from New York. Directly on the ocean. Superb bathing beach, perfect automobile roads, yachting, tennis and all outdoor amusements. Upon request a representative will call to explain the club feature, etc., or may be seen at HOTEL WOODWARD (Booking Office) T. D. GREEN. Manager, Broadway at S5th St.. NEW YORK Also THE COLONIA. COLUMBIA, S. C. to impossible. —The News. comicbooks.com