Life — May 21, 1908 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~ The Real Reason T midsummer days are the longest in the I year is because heat expands; hat criminals weigh less than moral men, is be- cause they're lighter fingered; “that 4 man swears at a dull razor, is because the pesky thing lost its temper first; vhat roses are referred to as “blushing,” is be- cause they are properly ashamed of the prices they bring; it a wave is called a swell, is because it arrives atthe shore in great style and goes away broke; —that the army of unemployed is not decreasing, is because its members want too many afternoons off aweck; —that the present-day aéro clubs are considered so eaclusive, is because the members necessarily all nove in the upper circles. Warwick James Price in The Bohemian. Diplomatically Expressed N TIME of athletic rivalry no sentiment expresses the thoughts of a Harvard man better than “To $-1 with Yale.” Dean Briggs, of the faculty, and the Rev. Edward Everett Hale, veteran clergyman and chaplain of the United States Senate, once went down to Soldiers’ Field together at such a time. “Where are you going, dean?” asked a friend. “To yell with Hale,” answered the smiling Briggs, patriotically and with diplomacy.—Lippincott’s. Whist for High Stakes a ELL, where’s that cook?” demanded his wife. “Don’t tell me that she wasn’t on the be was on the train,” timidly explained the tet, “but I got to playing cards and a Lonely- sn won her at whist.” Philadelphia Bulletin. FTER the crash,” imparted the first hospital surgeon to the second, “I ran over to where it lay on the pavement; and when I raised it up I saw at once that its ribs were smashed, while a gaping bole was torn in its"”— “Pardon me, doctor,” broke in the medical student, who had caught these words as he was about to pass by into the consumptive ward; “but if you have no objections, I'd like to take a few notes hat accident case.”" from his pocket. ‘Was the case a child?” the surgeon informed him, to his embarrass- I was speaking of my umbrella.”—News- Book, T 1S the man who looks for trouble who generally fi . When Bishop Dudley was about to trans- t the field of his labors to Kentucky, some of his friends were inclined to remonstrate. (‘se you are really going to Kentucky?” said one of these. “Yes, indeed,” replied the bishop. “But do you know what kind of a State that is?” inquired the anxious one. “Why, I saw in the paper that in a Kentucky town one man killed another dead for just treading on a dog. What are you going todo in a place like that?” “Well,” replied the bishop, calmly, “I am not go- ing to tread on a dog.” —Raleigh News and Observer. Oo» MAN (whose thoughts have been turned by whisky to controversial topics): Can ’e tell me, Squoire, the difference between “contracts out” and “non-provided schools?” Squire: Go away home, me man, and come to me again when you're sober. “Sober! Nobody cares for them sort o” things when ’e’s sober!”—Times. Less than twenty years ago was only an idea in the brain of Alexander T. Brown, now Presi- dent of the Smith Premier Typewriter Company. To-day, as the perfected result of that idea, it is the Typewriter of over 300,000 operators, an important factor in every known profession or line of trade in all parts of the civilized world. THE SMITH PREMIER TYPEWRITER CO., SYRACUS! Branches Everywhere. Write for Booklet F. YY. He pulled his note-book | Maxed It’s a Heap of Satisfaction —Maxwell owners say—to drive a car you're not ashamed of in any company—one that like a well-bred woman, however meagre her purse, is yet at home i> the best society. Now there be cars which, tho sold for only alittle less than Maxwells, yet have such a shoddy appearance—such a ‘‘dinky"* aspect—such a ‘‘cheap"’ look—the owners always feel like apologizing for driving them—tho a slim purse is surely no disgrace. ‘What is it gives to such cars the cheap look ? It's difficult to define. Yet it’s there—you can't escape it any more than you can fail to notice ill-breeding, however rich the garb with which it is clothed. Next time you go to the Country Club, the golf links, anywhere that Wealth and Culture meet, note how many Max~ well cars and how few other low-priced ones are parked among the Foreign Nobility and the High Caste American machines. And the Maxwells will look as if they belonged there; the others like a country bumpkin in a drawing-room—well meaning but out of place. It's this indefinable something—this outward appearance that somehow tells of quality inherent—bred-in-the-bone con= struction—has given Maxwells the title ‘The Aristocrats of Mederate-Priced Cart,"* sory ore made in olx modelos ransing in price from $525 to $3,000. Perhaps the most popular model wer, with"road- der, horse-por SZ. ‘ body, seating two in * The catalog tells all about all oj them—and it's jree. g hy President . MAXWELL-BRISCOE MOTOR, CO P. O. Box 8, Tarrytown, N. Y. FACTORIES: Taxyrown, N.Y. Newcastix, Ixp. Pawrvexer, R. I. comicbooks.com