Life — May 7, 1908 — page 39: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Life of the Fly—An Essay (Com panionvolumeto Macterlinck’s'Life of the Bee.” I. I wasn't who I am, I would prefer to be a fly. The life of a fly is ideal; in the spring, when the fowers are in bloom, trees budding, the grass grow- ing and everything bright and beautiful and the air heavy with the perfume of flowers, the fly breaks from his shell and starts to enjoy himself. ‘There is nothing denied a fly—he lives on the fat of the land— there is no choice morsel placed upon your table but the fly has the first dip. If he decides to travel by sater he boards the quickest and most expensive ship afloat, takes his position in the best cabin, comes tothe dining-saloon regularly and to the music-room daring concert hour. If he goes by rail you find him in the drawing-room and taking his meals in the Gning-car. He has as many wives as Solomon, not trating them, however, as well, as he leaves them onthe merest pretext. He lives only when things are beautiful and pleasant; when the cold blasts of winter come about, if he has not died a sudden death or ended his life in the honey jar, he flops on his tack, kicks up his six legs and expires, to be swept up afterward by the maid in the dustpan, the egg for next year’s hatch safely resting behind the picture frame.—The Punchbowl. Some Useless Recipes ‘0 CURE a smoky chimney. Never light a fire. To make trousers last. Instruct your tailor, shenever he builds you a suit of clothes, to make the coat and waistcoat first. To write a “serious” financial article. Take the sultiplication-table, a leaf or two out of an unread satistical blue book and an extract from a pamphlet cathe monetary crisis. Whip up well together, sason with Stock Exchange slang and the price of pel in New York. The result will delight all those sto like “solid” reading and despise mere “literary, trash." —Grand Magazine. Declined with Regrets HE bibulous citizen was holding high carnival on the street, when an officer approached him and said: “Come on with me to the station-house. The disturber of the peace pulled loose from the officer and began: Hold on minute, m’ friend.” ‘0, I won't hold on a minute. You come with “Hold on jus’ half minute. I want jus’ one word ‘ith you.” ' “All right,” replied the officer, impatiently. “Be ick about it. What is it you want to say? Il I want t’ say is jus’ this: I "preciate your invitation, but I jus’ can't go.”—Lippincott’s. Nor Fire nor Water M. DOWNES, late secretary of New York's * Fire Department, related at a dinner a fire y. “At the end of the first act of a drama,” he said, “aman leaped hurriedly to his feet. “‘Theard an alarm of fire,’ he said. ‘I must go and see where it is.’ “His wife, whose hearing was less acute, made ¥y for him in silence, and he disappeared. “‘Tt wasn’t fire,’ he said, on his return. "Nor water, either,’ said his wife, coldly."”"—New York Tribune. A Thackeray Retort EING asked once whether he had read any of the books of a popular novelist, Thackeray re- honed “Well, no. You see, I am like a pastry cook. 1 ke tarts and I sell ’em, but I eat bread and butter." —Democratic Telegram. The Iver Johnson isn’t a bomb—it’s a revolver. It goes off only when a revolver should—when you pull the trigger. You can drop it, strike it against table corners, or hammer the hammer, with perfect impun- ity. But the instant that you do pull the trigger in carnest, you will find the Iver Johnson a quick, sure, straight shooter, Our Free Booklet, ** Shots," tells more in detail why the Iver Johnson has outstripped competitors in public favor. Our indgome catalogue goes with it, showing details of construction. Iver Johnson Satety Hammer Revolver Richly nickeled, 22 calibre rim-fire or 32 calibre centers $@* Extra length barrel or blued , $xin, barrel; or 38 calibre center-fire, 33-in barrel, ‘finish at slight extra cost er Johnson Safety Hammeriess Revolver PULL THE Richly nickeled, 32 calibre center-fire; s-inch barrel; $9] Extra length barrel or blaed ‘or 38 calibre center-fire, 38-inch barrel, finish at slight extra cost Sold by Hardware and Sporting Goods dealers everywhere, or sent prepaid on receipt of TR IGGER price if dealer will not supply. k for the owl's head on grip and our name on barrel. IVER JONSON'S ARMS & CYCLE WORKS, 186 River Street, Fitchburg, Mass. iambure: Cemmeny! Picunebea 4. Londons Enstand't iy Gallons Sacete B.C stores it is Gallon ACCIDENTAL Iver Johnson Single Barre! 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Ghe Commanoant’s Ornice, Cuvee Sommce avai Scuos, . Address : Cuvee, tno B, care of Life, 17 W. 31st St., New York DB) (On Lake ? Mazinkuckre) comicbooks.com