Life — May 7, 1908 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1c. he QUESTIONS FOR THE CHILD | State the exact age of the Earth ? © How long will the Earth last at the rate it is going? © What is the difference between a Bishop and a Biologist? Chapter VI THE EARTH’S FACE There are no good photographs of the Earth. ‘The Earth refuses to sit. Imagine trying to photograph a flighty old Spheroid who spends her time pir- ouctting around in a circle with all her might and main. Perhaps it is to avoid the Photogra- pher that the Earth spins, and not merely to reduce her girth, as we hinted else- where. In these days such a strenuous evasion of publicity is indeed This sketch was made by ex” suspicious: artist froma Hot Air Balloon when the Earth wasn't looking. Suppose some day in a very crowded street, you should see an Old Party twirl- ing round in a circle with all her might and main. \ Would you not shake your head? Suppose said Old Party refused to say where she came from orj where she was going. Hoos Would you not pause to think? If, on inquiry, you found the O. P. had been going round for years under various male and female aliases,, such, as _Cos- mos, Mother Earth, The World, Terra Firma, Mrs. Grundy, The Footstool, The Globe, would you not, even if you were a Detective, begin to be suspicious? What then would you thigk, if, on looking over the Old Party’s Record, you found the following Press Notices? ¢ Earth's a thief."—Timon of Athens. Earth's bitter." —Wordsworth, This distracted Glob Hamlet. "This tough World."—King Lear. faughty World!" Merchant of Venice. “This World is given to lying?"—Henry IV. he World is too much with us."—Werdsworth. “The World is grown so bad.""—Richard 111. ‘he narrow World." —Julius Carsar. “The World is not thy friend.""—Romeo and Juliet. ‘The World's a Bubble.""—Bacon. ‘his World is all a fleeting show.""—Moore. ‘The World was not worth: St. Paul. “The World's a tragedy.”"—Herace Walpole. Phis Bleak World."—AMoore: “The weary weight of all this unintelligible World.”” Wordsworth, “LIP E- “A World of vile illfavour'd faults."—" Merry Wives of Windsor.” * Stale. flat and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this World." Hamlet This dim spot that men call Farth."—AMilton: The wicked World.""—I’. S. Gilbert. We are inclined to believe that the Earth has read the above clippings, and realizing that she is Discovered, spins round with all her might and main to avoid being photo- graphed for the Rogues’ Gallery of the Universe. Appearances are certainly against her. Chapter VIT CLIMATE AND WEATHER © Climate is a Theory. © Weather is a Condition. € Or, to make it more clear to the child, Cli- mate is a Hypothesis—Weather, a Reductio ad absurdum. © What is the Weathér For! Everything in Nature is designed to con- tribute to the Needs or Pleasures of Man. From the trees of the forest we get the wood from which nutmegs are made, the Wood Alcohol for our Scotch Highballs and the Paper for our Yellow Journals, which, in turn, transmuted to Leather for the soles of our Soldiers’ Boots. From the sands of the Sea we make Sugar to sweeten our coffee—that_mysie- rious beverage, the secret of whose manu- facture has never been revealed. From the Cotton Plant come the Wool- en Undergarments and the Soldier's Blanket. From the Simple Turnip is distilled the Golden Champagne, without which so many lives would be empty. Even the Humble Straw has its use—to indicate the trend of the air current and for the stuffing of * the Life Preserver. What Then is the yse of the Weather? Supposing you had made a World and put some People on it to | What would you do then to set things going? You would give the People soi talk about. Just so, The Weather was designed to furnish a universal topic of conversation for Man. Without the Weather nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine People out of a million would have nothing to talk about. In the first Geography Book we learn from Moses how the Weather was made, that the evenings were cool, and what is more wonderful, that the Fruit Season was good. Since then nothing has been so much Iked about as the Weather. And.in noth- ing has so little advance been made. hing to Chapter VIIT LAND AND WATER See the Elephant. He is washing the Globe. The clean partiscalled the Water and is inhab- ited by Oysters, Clams, Lobsters and Turtles —besides delightful Schools of Fishes and Whales. The large spots of Dirt which the Ele- phant cannot remove (even with the best ad- vertised soap) are called land and are alive with Human Beings and other Animals made es- pecially for man’s food or amusement. Resides the animals, are many other things such as Mountains, Tablelands, Rivers, Forests and Lakes. TNE COLLEGE YELL OF A SCHOOL OF WHALES The Principal Mountains are included in the Presidential Range, which is sur- rounded by. Forests of tall timber used chiefly.in Platform and Cabinet-making. Rivers are the most curious and interest- ing*form of water. ‘Though seldom dry they are as lengthy and involved as Henry James's sentences and have to be curled into the most impossible shapes to get them into the countrics where they belong. ‘The first’ thing a River does after rising is to go.as fast as it can to the nearest River Bed, in which it remains for the rest of its existence. The'most famous River in the world is the Blue Danube, called after a popular waltz of that name, QUESTIONS FOR THE CHILD © Why docs a River go to see? and what? { How many Rivers can get into One River Bed? {Why do Mountains in Maps look like Caterpillars? | State the difference between a Mountain and a Caterpillar. J What is the name of the driest State in the United States? *§ Why is the Ocean called the Main? (To be continued)