Life — May 7, 1908 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE: The Simple Jography INTRODUCTION T IS a Long Jump from Moses, the au- | thor of the First Work on Geography. The Sca, with its white teeth, bites the edges of the Co asa child bites a cooky. tinents into New The Glaci Shapes, away the Mountains into Valleys and Plains. Beneath the Ocean busy insects are building the foundations of new Continents, and un- der the Earth, Fiery Demons are ready at all times to burst forth and help things along. Tt really begins to look as if this Planet never would be finished. In the first chapter of his Geography, Moses tells us there were only TWO PEOPLE in the world, To-day we are pre- paring to put up the STANDING KOOM By Oliver Hertford ONLY notice. In another thousand years, for aught we know, the Earth may be going round dark and tenantless and bearing the sign, “TO LET.” What does it matter to us? What are we but microscopic weevils in the mouldy crust of Earth? Sufficient unto the day is the weevil thereof. In the meantime the Simple Geography is before vou. Ina thousand years it, too, may be out of date. Take it, before it is too late, not because it is improving, but as you take a Breakfast Food, because it is harmless and simple and full of chaff, and ready to serve, and when taken with cream, sugar, coffee, eggs, fruit and beefsteak, makes an excellent repast. With these few words, I now— Chapter I THE EARTH Scientists, who delight in applving harsh terms to things that cannot talk back, have called the Earth an Oblate Spheroid. Simple people like ourselves cal! it a Ball or compare it to an Orange. We often hear people remark, “How small the World is!” ‘The Earth is really quite large. Her waist measurement is no less than 25,000 miles. In the hope of reducing it the Earth takes the most violent and unceasing exercise. But though she spins round her- self once a day and round the sun once a year, she has not so far succeeded in taking off a single mile or even in keeping comfort- ably warm all over. QUESTIONS FOR THE CHILD ¢ Explain the Nebular Hypothesis. { Define the difference between (a) the Hertzian and (b) the Marcel wave. Chapter 11 THE EARTH’S USE What is the Earth for? Nobody knows. Some say the Earth was made to sup- ply the wants of Man, ‘This may be true, but as man is part and parcel of the Earth itself, it does not answer the question. Other more Practical people say, “We don’t care what the Earth was made for, it’s a GOOD THING,” and proceed to grab as much as they can for their private enjoy- ment. Chapter 111 THE EARTH’S CRUST Other Geographers speak of the “Earth’s crust” as if there were only one-—in reality, there are, as in a pie, two crusts—the Up- per Crust and the Under Crust. ‘The upper crust is pleasantly situated on the top, and is light and agreeable and much sought after. ‘The under crust is Dull and Heavy and disagreeable. ‘The only apparent reason for its existence is to support the Upper Crust. When, as sometimes happens, the Social Pie is turned upside down, the under crust then becomes the upper crust. Nore. 1 teacher should dis- ildren to illustrate the re- Chapter 1 IMAGINARY LINES The Axis of the Earth is an imaginary Big Stick round which it revolves. This little work, however, treats only of realities—and, since we have no space to spare for imaginary things, we can not dis- cuss the axis. ‘The Equator is also an imaginary line. We, therefore, dismiss the Equator with the AVAUNT, EoUATOR! Chapter V THE EARTH'S AGE Some people are sensitive about their ‘The Earth has never told us hers. Rude scientists, after careful examination, declare she can’t be a day under five mil- lion years old. ‘Theologians, ever tactful in feminine matters, set her down as a Shrinking Young Thing of barely four thousand summers. Perhaps this may explain why Bishops are usually fat and Biologists lean.