Life — January 23, 1908 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Loud was the cannon’s roar As down the harbor Came the Mayflower, And echoed from shore to shore ‘The guns of the battle fleet Down on the shore, As the fleet sailed out, A wond'ring child inquired “Why are the boats all going out, And why have the guns been fired?” Slowly the ok! man stroked his beard And said “In field of forum All things are done Ad Theodorum!” ne York Sun, A LEGITIMATE APPLICATION Miss Estabrook’s system of philosophy is so satisfying to her that she likes to acquaint others with it. | Seldom, however, docs she find so ready and sympathetic an acceptance of her point of view as she encountered the other day in an adherent of a well- known peripatetic school of philosophers. She was taking her regular four-mile-a-day exercise along a country road, when she met a tramp to whom, earlier in the day, she had given a quarter. The benevolent lady called after him “Just a moment, there, my man, if you please!" ‘The tramp paused doubtfully “I merely wished to state that in granting your request just now Iam wholly free from the common delusion that any real harm could result to you, even supposing that you are actually ‘a want and unable, by your own conscious effort, to extricate yourself {rom apparent deprivation of good, knowing, as I do know, that an absolute justice, insuring the individual's welfare, reigns throughout the cosmos.”” ‘The tramp stared, round-eyed, open-mouthed. “Nor do I cherish any obsolete notion of myself as a ‘Lady Bountiful.” My actual motive in giving the quarter should properly be classed as ‘selfish.’ Not having as yet quite fully ‘overcome a foolishly sympathetic temperament, 1 should un- doubtedly—if I had not given the money—have been annoyed for some time afterward by mental pictures of you as suffering for food. In short, I did what I did simply to make myself slightly more comfortable. “That is all. I merely wished to explain my motive,” added Miss Estabrook; for the tramp lingered, gazing with glistening eyes at the countenance of his benefactress, where the lines, with merciless accuracy, reflected her habitual painstakingness. “Yes, ma'am, an’ I ketch on all right—now," he said, eagerly, in his eye no such absent expression as Miss Estabrook is be coming accustomed to see in the eyes of relatives and friends to whom she conscientiously expounds her philosophy.“ An‘ I'm interested in them inside workin's o' your mind! But say, ma'am, you'd sure oughter think a little mite more about them feelin’s 0° yourn. I bet you'd feel downright comf"table all through, for oncet in yer life, ef you'd jest make this quarter a collar."—Youth's Companion. ONE WOMAN'S WISDOM Hre Husmaxp: My dear, how did you happen to employ such a pretty nurse girl? Has Wire: Ididn'thappen todoit. I did it because I wanted the children to have police protection when they are in the park or on the street —Chicago News. EMPRESS Aut NULLUsS NOTHING WANTING “Round about him (the Kaiser, at the Guildhall) were gathered the wealth, the intellect, the beauty, and the aldermen and common councillors of London."—London Daily Express. Henry E. Dixey, the actor, was talking about the terrific fight that occurred recently on an Atlantic liner between two fat and elderly poker players. “It seems,” said Mr. Dixey, with a smile, “that the first man lost thirteen hundred dollars to the second and paid up. The second then lost seventeen hundred and fifty dollars to the first, and refused to pay up. No wonder there was a fight, ch? If this sort of thing keeps up, the smoking-room morals of a liner will fall as low as the gambling. room morals of Tin Can. A tenderfoot once visited ‘Tin Can and watched with interest the poker play. From saloon to saloon he passed. Everything was wide open, and very gay and lively. But as he looked on at a poker game that had no limit, the tenderfoot suddenly frowned. He had scen the dealer slip himself four aces from the bottom of the pack. ‘Gracious powers,’ whispered the tenderfoot, excitedly clutching the sleeve of the man next to him, ‘did you notice that?" * Notice what?’ asked the other. ‘Why, that scoundrel in the red shirt just dealt himself four aces.’ ‘The other looked at the tender- foot calmly. ‘Well, wasn't it his deal ?’ he said.""—Inde pendent. “TMAT WAS AGAINST THE RULE” PLAYING FOR REPUTATION “Did you win on yesterday's game?” “Won fifty dollars." “1 lost just that mudd “So did I. You see, by betting both ways you win a reputa tion as a judge of form or as a good loser, and in either case you're a sport."—Philadelphia Ledger. “Law very sorry to hear, Captain Salter, that your wife left you so unceremoniously ~My mistake, sit. took her for a mate and she proved to be a skipper."”"—Current Literature Mr. Goopitr: My boy, you'd never hear me use language ike that! ‘Tux Kro: 1 bet you don't! Why, it took me five years to learn all dem words. —The Sketch ATTACKS on the President now include a defense by Tom Lawson.—Chicago Post. ALWAYS UNFORTUNATE Here I stand within the hall; For the elevator baw! With a frown. “Going up?” 1 loudly ery. And the urchin makes reply: “Going down.” Here you see me buying stocks, Hoping to acquire both rocks And renown. “Going up?” I loudly say; But my broker answers: “Nay; Going down.” When old Charon I sha'l meet, Looking mystical, but neat, In his gown— “Going up?” I'll murmur low, And he'll doubtless answer “No: Going down.” Louisville Courier Joured WHAT STRUCK HIM An inquiring lady, known toa writer in Blackweod's Mogerix recently asked a private soldier to tell her some of his experiexa| in war Tommy, who was Irish, tried to get out of it by saying ts nothing had ever happened to him. but the lady was persises “Something must have happened,” she declared. "Now a me, in all your experiences in South Africa, what was it & struck you most?" “Well, ma'am,” said Tommy, after some cogitation, thing that shtruck me most was th’ number of bullets that mi One. cold, wintry morning a man of tall and angulsr bs was walking down a steep hill at a quick pace. A picce under the snow caused him to lase control of his fect: be tes: to stide and was unable to stop. Ata crossing half way dowet fy encountered a large, heavy woman. soita| and before cither realized it a collision ensued and both ve! sliding down hill, the thin man underneath, the fat wom: top. When the bottom was reached and the woma to recover her breath and her feet, these faint words were bes to her ear: “Pardon me, madam, but you will have to here. This is as far as I go."—Argonaut The meeting w. was ty] A NATURE FAKE. “What's this?” yelled the star for it.” "You'll have to, “Green snow? 1 woo't sat “White paper is¥ Fup a few stock cen retorted the manager. hat I told the property ma Piusburg Post HE population of China," announced the schoo! text impressively, “is so vast that two Chinamen die at every we take.” The small boy was an Imperialist, and his father had nounced views on the question of alien immigration, so this = of news impressed him hugely. Shortly afterwards, he was observed to be turning pure the face, and puffing like an overburdened steam engise “What's the matter? What are you doing?” asked the 9 adequately paid instructor of youth, anxiously. “ Killin’ Chinamen,” grunted the patriot —Sporting Tins IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS Mayor: Where are you going? Vintace Constante: The three tramps I just locked to play whist and I'm looking for a fourth!—Translatd # Transatlantic Tales jrom Fliegende Blactter. Mr. Cant Hess, the broker whose mind is always fell business, was asked a few days ago how old his father as Well,” said he, abstractedly, “he's quoted at eighty, bet be is every prospect that he will reach par and possibly be at 2 F| mium.”—Phitippine Gossip. A Grorcta paper says: “He who rides on the il com death.” It was an Irishman, ridden on a rail, who ss! cept for the honor of the thing he would just as soon #2} Houston Post Lire is published every Thursda: British Possessions. $5.00 a year in advance. three months from date of publication, 25 cents. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. ‘The International News Company, Breams Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. imultancously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and Brit Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after also at Saarbach’s St. Georges, Pa Building, Chancery Lane, Londoo, 's. News’ Exchanges, 1. 1, Via Firenze, Mili Mayence, Germany. The text and illustrations in Live are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced without 1¥™ permission obtained in advance. 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