Life — January 16, 1908 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BED AND EARLY ARUN, an WEALTHY. WEALTHY «0 Pay : fives ANU rE trata as) otter, H. C. A bishop and after- dinner speaker, who denies himself the privilege of poverty in order to show the world that you can be rich and pretty good at the same time. This gentleman is noted for his tact, being the only one who knows how to treat heresy (by ignoring it), and although an advanced thinker, keeps so quiet about it that he is regarded as eminently respectable. Author of “Coming Through the Rye.” Unspontaneous HAT availeth a pumped-up pa- triotism in a pinch? It gets a great many whistles blown when the fleet starts for the Pacific. It procures countless hats to be doffed as often as the band plays the national anthem. It sets off endless red-fire and hot air on no par- ticular occasion, But when the hour of trial comes, and real sacrifice is de- manded, may we not find that instead of fostering patriotism by these theatrical outbursts, we have made it a cheap thing, a species of thin hysterics, soon worn out ? Patriotism has the misfortune of many another fine sentiment—there’s capital in it for charl:tans, unless people look sharply to it. Tt and the world laughs with you. De Mortuis an ISERLY’S dead.” “And damned?” “T hope not. I’ve some pretty good friends in hell.” *-LIFE-: Who's What In and Out of America Ry Thomas. Repairer of old and worn out insurance companies, also subway expert and coin collector. When this gentleman was born, three fairies presented themselves at his bed- side. One said, “I am the spirit of pure and unadulterated nerve.” The second said, “Iam the power that controls other men, whether it’s right or not.” And the third said, “I am the one that keeps you free from jails and investigating com- mittees and enables you to sit on fran- chises and hatch out millions.” Then said Thomas, “Must I choose between you?” And the fairies replied, ‘That was our intention when we came, but we like you so well that you can have us all.” And after that he led the equitable life. His principal occupation is preserving the appearance of honesty. Author of “Subways That Have Helped Me,” “The Uninvestigated Life.” Favorite flower, the mushroom. Motto, “Foxy is that foxy does.” Address, care Paul Morton. “CAN she take the high C?” “Not without knocking off some of the bars.” > Oe ue — fe ggg TTCE eit A008? Z Manes syst ALS 40 ws Cortelyou, George B. Adminis- tration Poo Bah and _ incidentally Secretary of the Treasury for Uncle Sam. This gentleman began life as a reporter and gradually descended until he became chairman of the Republican National Committee, where he received campaign contributions from insurance companies «and looked unpleasant when reminded of it. Since then he has concealed himself behind the Dead Letter Office, and kept his ear to the ground. His principal oc- cupation is rubbing the Teddybear the right way. Favorite bird, American Eagle. “Address, Transient Window, Washington, or care Standard Oil Com- pany. Appropriate .““FRVERY room in my house has a name—Marie Antoinette, Louis XIV, Pompeiian, etc.” “What do you call the nursery?” “The Roosevelt.” The Dog: 1 WISH 1 WAS A TEDDYBEAR OR A RUBBER BALL . comicbooks.conyv