Life — January 2, 1908 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Neath Diy “TS THIS Lire?” “Yes. Good morning, madam. This is” —— “Never mind who it is. So you are the pesky little creature who has been ma- king us all so miserable, are you! Well, I'm glad to see you.” “Won't you be seated, madam?” “No, I won't. I’ve just come in to give you a piece of my mind and I can do it better standing up.” “What is your particular grievance?” “Oh, nothing, nothing! you little reprobate. J’m all right. But I just want to say a few words to you. You need ’em, I can tell you. And now that it’s your twenty-fifth birthday somebody ought to take you down.” “But, my dear madam, I’ve been get- ting bouquets all day. This is hardly an appropriate time to” “Yes it is. It’s just the right moment to take the conceit out of you. I’ve noticed you’ve never waited for the most gentle moment to take it out of others. And you certainly need it. The idea of your posing as being a national figure, a moral force. Why nothing is sacred to you!” “Better sit down.” “No, I won’t! Look at the shameless manner you have treated my friends, the doctors. As if you knew anything about medical science.” Sanctum Talks “ETRE = “But it is medical humbug that I” —— “There you go. In another moment I will shake you. And how you have abused vivisec- tion, as if any one outside the profession had a right to criti- cise.” “But? — “And you know every pious friend of mine ac- tually shudders at the thought of you. Those . dear, good souls, the \ missionaries—why, your treatment of them has been nothing short of \ scandalous. And you're so irreverent.” “No. Excuse me, you”—— “Why really, you stop at nothing. You seem to have absolutely no regard for what you say in public. I wouldn’t permit you in my house—not for worlds. It wouldn’t be safe to have you about with a family like mine. Only last week you had something that”— “You saw me then, did you?” “Quite by accident.” “And the week before?” “That was—oh, I see what you're after. Of course, I see you occasionally. It’s a duty to know what you are doing, in order that I may preach against you. And they say you are so thoroughly in- different to criticism.” “Not at all, madam. 1”—— “And they say you are so independent with it all. Look at the dreadful hard- ened way you spoke of the Administra- tion during the Spanish war. As for some of our wealthiest and most influ- ential citizens, you haven’t seemed to care a bit how you spoke of them. And then the Boers, you actually upheld them.” “TI do now, madam. I still think””—— “Of course. That's the worst of you. You think you are right all the time. Conceited little wretch. You ought to be spanked. Why, you actually uphold di- vorce, in the most shameless manner. And against some of our most respected Bishops.” “That's too bad.” “And the worst of it is, you are too in- dependent. You really don’t seem to be guided by what other people may think. Perfectly irrepressible. Really, you ought to be suppressed. I’d like to lay my hands on you, just for’—— “Have a chair, Mrs. Grundy.” “Oh, you know me, do you?” “Yes, indeed. And now let me tell you something.” “Very well. I suppose I must listen, although you have never shown much regard for me.” “I am independent.” “Everybody knows that.” “And irrepressible.” “Yes, yes.” “And between you and me, my friend, I’m generally right. I can say this to you privately, knowing that it is one thing you won’t mention. You know I’m frivo- lous.” “I should say you were.” “Well, thatismy temperament. Never- theless, I’m unpopular with hypocrites. because I generally tell the truth. And as for certain other friends of yours, Mrs. Grundy, well, they will have to squirm a little yet.” “And you won't let up?” “Never.” “Lire, hand me that chair.” “You don’t mean to say you're going to sit down?” “Yes, am. Are we alone?” “Quite so.” “Then—just between you and me—I have a confession to make.” “But my dear Mrs. Grundy””—— “Don’t interrupt me. I came in here: just now to see if I could ruffle you. And now, LirE—— No one about?” “No one.” “T shouldn’t like any one to know I'd: said this.” “You're perfectly safe.” “Well, then, between you and me, you are right. You’ve hurt me cruelly at times, but you’ve done me good. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped my subscription. But I’ve always come back again. Keep on, Lire.” “You mean it!” “Ido. Only—don’t say I said so.”” “And we will always be friends?” “Well—I—as much friends as two. persons of such divergent views ever could be.” “Good moming, Mrs. Grundy.” “G—g—good morning, Lirr.” T. L. M. oe