Life, 1908-01-02 · page 20 of 44
Life — January 2, 1908 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces mocking American institutions circa 1909. **"LIFE Loquitur"** is a poem by E.S. Martin where a "full quarter-century old" (25-year-old) narrator reflects on having witnessed six U.S. presidents: Chester Arthur, Grover Cleveland (twice), Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley (twice, with McKinley's assassination implied by "laid low"), and Theodore Roosevelt. The satire lies in the absurdity of claiming ancient wisdom at 25, while listing mundane political events (the "Sound Money fight" against William Jennings Bryan's free-silver campaign). **"Work Among the Railroads"** satirizes a charitable "Five Points Railroad Mission" that supposedly provides relief to railroad executives and owners—presenting the notion as ridiculous. The satire mocks railroad magnates as destitute figures requiring prayer meetings, hot coffee, sandwiches, and underwear donations. The phrase about "saving their souls lies darkly in the future" suggests these wealthy industrialists are morally beyond redemption, making the charitable effort absurd. Both pieces use exaggeration to criticize political complacency and corporate excess.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE Loquitur By E. S, Martin O, Lam not so young as I was, Not new in the world any more. There's little that any one does But I've seen it done often before. If I've come to observe and reflect, If I don’t have to wait to be told, Iv’s only what's right to expect— I'm a full quarter-century old. Twenty-five's no great age, but, dear me! When I pass in review what has been, And match up the marvels I see With the notable things I have seen, And count the good men that ar’n’t here, And reckon the haps that befell, I own, tally’ woe, tally cheer, T've been hanging around quite a spell. Presidents six have I known, Chester and Grover and Ben, Grover, more requisite grown, Back in the White House again, William McKinley twice called, In his fifth summer laid low, Theodore duly installed, And—sakes alive! Theodore now. Good times and bad I've been through, Saw and outlived nincty-three, Bryan’s first vagaries knew— Silver’s dire threat to be free. Hard combination to beat! Just when the crash seemed in sight; Dollar a bushel for wheat Won us the Sound Money fight. Work Among the Railroads HE Five Points Railroad Mission—which includes personal visitsto the Erie, N. Y., N. H. and H., B. and O., Atchison and Missouri Pacific—is still making great progress. Last week hot coffee and sandwiches were distributed to the officers of the Erie. A large fresh ham was sent to President Mellen, of the N. Y., N. H. and H., and gratefully acknowledged. The B. and O. R. R. has been provided witha completesuit of woolen underwear. Work on the Atchison has not pro- gressed so well, as, on account of false pride, its true condition was concealed from our Mission Band. A few kind words, however, resulted in an offer of fur-lined gloves being accepted. Next week there will be a prayer and experience meeting for the benefit of the underwriters of the Missouri Pacific. It is hoped that the attendance and collection will be large, as the case is urgent. Railroad owners are as a rule a proud, sensitive lot, refusing to talk about their bond issues or net earnings, and it requires unusual tact in dealing with them. At present we are confining ourselves entirely to ministering to their physi- cal needs. The possibility of sav- ing their souls lies darkly in the future. We shall, however, not give upall hope. In the meantime, any article is accept- able. Old clothes, canned goods and scrap iron of any sort should be sent directly to the committee, who will dis- tribute it with all haste. The evening of the 14th will be set aside as an evening of prayer for all railroad officers, that they may be rescued from their present destitution.