Life — December 26, 1907 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

14 A RECESSIONAL, (Alter Kipting) God of the Nation, known of old, Supreme, all-powerful and just, No longer on our coins of gold Dare we inscribe: In Thee we trust. Lord God of Hosts, forsake us not; We have forgot, we have forgot! Our fathers did not ask ia vain When, unashamed, they sought thine aid; Now, in our day of stress and strain, We falter in our faith—afraid. Goal of our country, long forgot, Forsake us not, forsake us not! We bowed before the shrine of wealth And, drunk with riches, went astray; Restore, O God, the Nation's health And lead it in the old, true way. In sorrow, shame and vain regret We plead that Thou will spare us yet. Forgive our wilful waste, our pride, Our foolish pomp and wicked lust; Once mote be Thou the Nation’s guide ‘That we may say “In God we trust.” For thoughtless act and idle word, ‘Thy mercy on Thy people, Lord! Bellman. BOSTONESQUE * Did Santa Claus bring you everything you wanted, Johnnie?” “L assure you, madame,” replied John Beaconsfield Hill, atat 8, of Back Bay, Boston, “that I expressed no wish as to what the mythical personage, Santa Claus, should deposit in my hosiery, because of the fact that Iam quite well aware without any equivocation that Santa Claus exists only in the imagina- tions of the mentally deformed, and the idea of suspending any article of my wearing apparel for the purpose of having it used as.a receptacle for tokens of affection is repugnant to one who is dceply interested in the study of disease forms and microbes, to say nothing of "— But the inquirer had fainted away—Home Magazine. ‘Two ladies who had not seen each other for years recently met in the street. ‘They recognized each other after a time, and their recognition was cordial. “So delighted to see you again. Why, you are scarcely altered.”” So glad; and how little changed you are. Why, how long is it since we met?” About ten years.” And why have you never been to see me?" “ My dear, just Jook at the weather we have had."”—Tid- Bits, ‘Tie. sexton of a “swell colored church" in Richmond was closing the windows one blustery Sunday morning during service when he was beckoned to the side of a young negress, the widow of a certain Thomas. “Why is yo" shettin’ dose winders, Mr. Jones?” she de: manded in a horse whisper. “De air in dis church is suffocatin’ now!” “It's de minister's ocders,” replied the sexton, obstinately. “I's a cold day, Mis’ Thomas, an' we ain't goin’ to take no chance on losin’ any o° de Lambs of dis fold while dere’s a big debt over-hangin’ dis church.""—Har per's Weekly. i 2) ch) sAUT SCISSORS Aut NULLUS THE TALE OF A HOPELESS LOVE Standing neath the vine-covered arbor, at the southern end of the garden, about page 357, the man and the woman gazed earnestly in each other's eyes. “My own,” murmured the man, “my very own—may I call you so? Thanks. Then will you, sweet one, be my wife?’ "Ah," she said, her frame convuked with sobs, “would that you had not spoken, Aubrey, for I can never be your wife.” “You never can?” ejaculated the disconcerted lover, starting back in amazement. No, no,” she said, with a choking sob. But you love me?” he queried, anxiously. Yes, yes,” she replied, convulsively. “Then why—why "—the man’s voice vibrated with passion— “why can you not marry me, if there is no earthly reason to prevent it?” “Because,” she answered, in a tone of helpless despair, am the heroine in a woman's novel.” As he recognized the insuperability of the obstacle before them, he quailed, and then, with deep-drawn sighs, he glided into the forty-cighth chapter.—Telegraph. SOMETHING FoR THE CIRLS THE PROBLEM “Do you think it is as easy to make a fortune as it used to be?” asked the ambitious youth. “Easier.” answered Senator Sorghum. ‘The problem is to do it in such a way that your friends will continue to speak to you."—Washington Star. Drscvssion of the best pronunciation of Latin recalls to the Liverpool Post a story about the Duke of Wellington. It was about the year 1844, and the Chancellor, in his gorgeous robes. was reading the honors list aloud. The list was, of course, in Latin, and Wellington knew more about the handling of brigades than about Latin quantities. Whenever the name Carolus occurred the duke persisted in pronouncing the ‘*o" long— Caro-lus.”” It was at last too much for one of the dons standing behind him, so, leaning over, he whispered, “If your grace will excuse me, I should like to point out that at Oxford we call that word *Ca-olus.’" "Very good," said the duke. “Thank you T'll remember.” Presently came the name Jacobus, which, mindful of his lesson, he pronounced “Jac-obus.” Again the don leaned over. “I humbly beg your grace’s pardon, but that name is ‘Jaco-bus.’” “Hang it all!" muttered Wellington, “ you can't chop and change like that. Caro-lus and Jaco-bus, or Car-olus and Jac-obus, whichever you like, But stick to your own rules, if you please.”” EVEN SO ‘There are 8,000,000 telephone gitls in the world. The duties of 6,788,943 consist in telling you that the line is busy.— Louisville Courier-Journal. THE RULING PASSION ‘The young man asked the banker For his fair and only child; ‘The banker nodded gravely, And then he grimly smiled. Amazed, the young man heard him Reply in business phrase: Til have to file your notice— Come back in sixty days.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. WHAT WE ARE COMING TO “Is the room disinfected ?" “Yes, mother; and I have sterilized the curtains, leodoriznd the furniture, septicized all the fixtures, vaporized the air washed my lips in an antiseptic solution, and” “Have you septicized the mistletoe?” “Thoroughly, mother; everything is done. Arthur is waiting now in the hydrogen room.” “Then you may go in and let him kiss you, dear."—Lippie cots We kxap in an American paper that a Massachusetts clergy man has resigned his pastorate after a most successful term of nine years. to devote all his time to golf “Thaye done more work in thirty years,” he is reported to have said, “than a xood many men have done in sixty y Thave collapsed twice under the strain.” Here is another fool who takes golf lightly —Sporting Times. Cappir (to Footle, who has slowly hacked his way hole): Wall ye be goin’ the whole round? Foortr: Yes, of course. Why? “Only they'll be wantin’ the links to-morrow; it's medal day.” —The Tatler. ON THE TOP OF THE STAGE COACH “What a clear view! Not a single airship in sight!" —Jagend (Munich). Mk. Microne: Horrible catastrophe! Ten million lives host! ‘Mas. Microne: Good gracious, Mike! What happened? “The First National Bank, without a word of warning, sterilized a dollar bill."—Inde pendent, AN EASY DISGUISE (To the barter): “Lather me thoroughly—there comes my tailor."—Fliegende Bloctter. SUITED TO AN ANARCHIST Cornelius V. Collins, New York's superintendent of S prisons, said at a recent inner in Troy: “Then there is the faddist type of prison warden, the man with some hobl.y or other that he quite runs into the grvund. “1 know one such warden. It is his hobby to give to bis Prisoners congenial work—work which they like and are ac customed to. Je said one day to a new convict: Young man, I see that you are sentenced to hard Libor. Now in providing you with work I shall take your former occupation inty account. What were you?’ “*An anarchist, sir,’ the convict replied. Ahem,’ said the warden, turning to his assistant: will put this man to road blasting.’""—IWashington Stor. On, night at Brooks's when Coke was present, Fox, ia allusion to something that had been said, made a very dis paraging remark about government powder. Adam (attorney general to the Prince of Wales), who heard it, considered it & personal reflection and sent Fox a challenge. At the time ap- pointed Fox went out and took his station, standing full face to his adversary. Fitzgerald pointed out to him that he ought to stand sideways. “What does it matter!” protested Fox; “1 am as thick one way as the other!" The signal to “fire” was given, Adam fired, but Fox did not. His seconds, greatly excited, told him that he must fire. “I'll be damned if I do!” said Fox," have no quarrel!" Whereupon the two ad advanced to shake hands. “Adam,” said Fox, compl Ye “you'd have killed me if it hadn't beea for the bales of government powder!"— Bellman. Lire: is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and r 00 a year in advance. 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