Life — November 28, 1907 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Who'll be chief mourner? We, said the Masses; We suffer for the classes, We'll be chief mourner. These are the Masses Suffering for the classes. Who'll sing a psalm? I, said Pierpont Morgan, T'll tune the organ, Pll raise a psalm. ‘This is Pierpont Morgan Playing the organ. The Flea Question ND it came to pass that the fleas became almost unbearable. So much time and energy had to be spent in scratching that little opportunity was left for other work. Accordingly a mighty convention of dogs was as- sembled, consisting of delegates from all the races of dogs. “This is an important question,” said the Great Dane, who was chairman of ‘LIFE: Who'll toll the bell? I, said Tedbear; T helped to put him there, T'll toll the bell. This is the Teddybear Helping to put King Credit there. T. LM. the convention. “My plan would be to pass a law requiring all dogs to cut their hair short, so that the bites may be the more easily scratched.” “That is not necessary,” said the St. Bernard, who was proud of his shaggy coat, “and besides we need our hair in the winter time. I think we should appoint a committee to confer with a similar com- mittee from the fleas. We can thus un- doubtedly make an arrangement by which they will not bite so hard or so often.” “Alas,” said the Poodle, ‘we should try to find a remedy that would make us immune from flea-bites. If that cannot be found, we should be satisfied with our lot.” “That won’t do at all,” said the Collie. “The flea traffic must certainly be regulated. I am inclined to think it would be best to fine them.” “No, that would only make them bite the harder,” objected the Spaniel. “It would be much more effective to im- prison them.” “That would be all right,” said the Pug, “‘but they are too hard to catch and too hard to keep after they are caught. It would be much better to pass a law limiting the number of fleas to each dog.” “Friends,” said the Dachshund, “I am as much interested in this subject as 637 you, but some of your statements cause me no little concern, for there a tendency on the part of all the speakers to overlook the vested rights of the fleas.” “Me too,” said the Skye, who suffered none from fleas because his mistress and two maids labored constantly to keep them away. ‘I think you are going too far.” “You fellows make me tired,” said the Fox Terrier, “with your silly twaddle about regulation and your dilettante in- effective compromises. There is only one way to deal with a flea, and that is to kill him.” When the fleas heard this they began to bite as hard as they could, which made the dogs frantic. Whereupon they denounced the Fox Terrier as a revolu- tionist and drove him from the hall in short order. Ellis O. Jones. Some Wall Street Terms * HEN ‘The market is sloppy—don’t liquidate. The market is bearish—don’t growl. ‘The shorts are covering—don’t be too long in Fecovering. A new pool has been dissolved—don't melt away in tears. Money is tight—don't get full. Money is easy—don’t get tight. A number of stop orders have been reached—look upward, not downward. Inside interests are bullish—stay on the outside. You are wondering whether to get in on the inside or not—don't. EAR LIFE: ‘One of your correspondents objects to attacks upon vaccination because it is “as much the gift of God” as “milk, butter and beef”; so also is small pox, on this line of reasoning, and we should do noth. ing to prevent it, But the assumption that the universe is so badly planned that protection from a foul disease can only be had by putting another form of foulness into one's veins, shows mighty little real confidence in a beneficent Creator. ‘To oppose vaccination is not to desire a return to the days when there were not only smallpox epidemics but many other plagues and diseases resulting from gross violations of the laws of health, accentuated by overcrowding and improper diet. But there is no more proof that vaccination has diminished smallpox than that it is responsible for the equally coincident in. crease of cancer. Still, let those indulge in the practice who wish. But they have no right to compel a healthy person to have a virus put in his veins against his will, on the absurd theory that otherwise he may catch and give them a disease from which, if vaccination is really any good, they could easily protect themselves by the simple process of getting vaccinated. A.C. Puevorit. October 21, 1907. comicbooks.com