Life — November 21, 1907 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- 609 Worst President Contest TH prize of $50 for the cleverest answer to the question, “Who Would Make the Worst President, and Why?” has been awarded to Mr. T. R. Powell, of Burlington, Vermont. His contribution was No. 1, and is as follows: No.1 And at writing nature-books, And at dubbing railroad magnates Liars, scoundrels, knaves and crooks. ‘Though he might have kept the woolsack, Wielding billion-dollar fines, He insists on serving simply In less pyrotechnic lines. He has read the Constitution And forgets ‘tis ohsolete, And within the dictionary He has found the word “discreet.” Of the pasture-full of pilots Strong to steer our Stately Craft, It will hardly be disputed That the worst is Big Bill Taft. For he never went to Harvard And he seldom shoots a bear, And for writing “Dear Maria” He doesn’t seem to care. He's rather poor at tennis She came toward him with a He tents 1bug- and lanky; low cry. Once more he gazes into the And he isn't cold and chill; beautifel, expressionless eyes of And as for drinking buttermilk, " He'd rather take a pill. —which is it, “Angelina i eiktest Z He has never bossed a Congress, Asstrange impulse seized him. En And his talk is not profane; “She shall not escape me," be iff Nor is he fond of poker cried. “I will rat her with- ( To exercise his brain, out knowing which she is. Fate Hence, quite bereft of every charm shall decide. A\\ Required to fill the bill, . D The White House down at Washington Panic and Tariff Is one place Bill can’t fill. Divorced i And so of all the candidates E. distinguished f With which our land is curst, O service which Presi- d "Tis plain to every seasoned soul deat Roosevelt tas done ‘That Big Bill Taft’s the worst. the country has been in . . ; keeping hands off the ' OHNSON, who overstaid hismar- tariff until after we had 1 i ket and was caught in the squeeze had a panic. That may @—>—~< “ and sold out, is satisfied now that not have been what he The wedding is over. They all things come to him who waits. was waiting for, but he are at last alone. waited. “Well, my dearest,” cried it hi ic, Bertie, as he clasped her in his ‘They call it his panic. (TT shich are yoo, Asge Very well. Give him lina or Ethelberta?” credit for it. But give him credit also for demonstrating that the relation between panics and tariff changes is not so intimate as Republican platformshave been used to make out. Every Woman AN'’S greatest delight—man’s deepest despair— Fickle and feeble—faithful and fair; Artlessly artful—innocent air; Winning and sinning, a comfort—a care; Sweet—in deceit she is sweetest, beware! Harmless—if charmless (no such one is there); Patience personified—devil-may-care; Right without reason—her wisdom is rare; Partial and jealous—forgiving and zealous; Each paradox woman—half angel, half human— A peach I declare—thank God not a pair, “I am neither Angelina nor Ethelbcrta,” she replied, throwing back her For with double delight would come double despair! automobile coat, “I am the Trained Nurse.” Maurice Dunlap. Eid comicbooks.com