Life — July 4, 1907 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Platt, T. C. Having outlived his uselessness in New York State, this gentleman is now a member of the United the dishonor with He was born in New York for certain express purposes, and although this happened several years ago the State has not fully recovered from the shock. For years he passed a great deal of time and money in Albany, and leading the Republican party from the devil to the deep sea left it to the tender mercies of Odell. ‘om thence it shall rise from the dead if there is any virtue in Hughes. Mr. Platt’s principal occupation is drawing dividends and re- gretting the Author of “Home, Sweet Home, he Senate and I Are Out” and “So Boss. ast, “Success to Crime.” Favorite mottoes: “Count no man happy until he’s dead,” and “You used to, but you don’t go now.” Ad- dress, Hall of Fame, side entrance. Mind Reader Tillman S ‘ATOR BEN TILLMAN isa mind reader. H : Roosevelt is very anxious to be again and will be a candidate if so manipulate the situation as to proposition come in accordance with his ideas as to how it should be brought about. n the whole, it is the part of Perhaps, wisdom for Senator Tillman to disclose his mind about Colonel Roosevelt before the Colonel becomes an inmate of the Senate. iL PPE : Who’s What In and Out of America Nicholas III. A young man in reduced circumstances whose career bids fair to be cut short bya lot of ignorant people who are beginning to believe that they have some rights—a mistaken notion sometimes held by those who are laboring under the delusion that all men are born free and equal. This young man is, there- fore, standing between a long and check cred pedigree and a toboggan, with all the chances in favor of the tobog; His principal occupation is dodgi bombs. His favorite flower is the carna- tion. His favorite hymn is “A Charge to Keep I Have,” and his favorite drink is Siberian punch. Author of “ Bear-Bait- ing,” “A Step Too Far,” “The ete. All Serene “AYY accidents in your motor trip through Italy and France, Mor- gan?” “Nothing worth mentioning. My wife was thrown out and bruised a bit, but the machine never got so much as a scratch.” Revised Version “NV HERE are you going, my pretty maid?” “I'm going a-sterilizing, sir,” she said. q YOU HAVENT Any MON: YOU NEEONT COME AROUND awson, Thomas. Onc of the most famous writers of fiction in the world; also prophet and foreteller of future events. ‘This gentleman predicted the famous uitable earthquake, first called attention to “The Great Divide,” and foretold the reputation disaster of 1906. He was born in the Pie Belt, and carly became engaged in the lemon in- dustry, handing them out to every one in reach. He is said to have the finest col- lection of paper mines in the world. He is very systematic, alternating mission- ary work with that of three-card monte. He can be implicitly believed half the time—which half, he alone knows. He is the author of “The Conspirators,” “The Three of Us,” “His Majesty My- self,” and “The Glorious Trinity.” Ad- dress, care the Standard Oil Company. “WOW IS IT YOU HAVE NO FEATHERS ON your MEAD?” “1 WAS SO POPULAR WITH THE LADIES, I GAVE THEM ALL AWAY AS SOUVENIRS.”