Life — May 2, 1907 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE-: The Catacaucus Club A New Woman's Movement of Gigantic Proportions— Branches Everywhere —Comprehensive in Scope —lIt Is Intended to Provide Continuous Occupation for Ladies All Over the World IFE is able to announce the formation of the Catacaucus Club. This club is located in the metropolis. It will, however, have branches all over the United States. The president is Mrs. Tillie Freylinghuyson Pigaback Smythe. It was not intended to make any announce- ment of the all-embracing aim of the club or, in fact, even of its formation. But at the first meeting all the members unanimously decided to go into secret session, After this there was nothing left but publicity. Lire was chosen the official organ, Lire has never before been an organ of anything, but the real need of a new woman’s club was so apparent that a joyful consent was given. Mrs. Tillie Freylinghuyson Pigaback Smythe, who is, of course, a Daughter of the Revolution, her great-grandfather having been vice-president of Back Bay Hose Company Num- ber 1, and who is also a direct descendant of the Corkscrew Contingent of Old Colony Dames, Past Grand Madam of Plymouth Bay Memorial Sires, honorary member of Spuyten Duyvel Creek Guild, Dowager Chaperon to Faneuil Chapter of Colonial Quilters, etc., etc., said: “The need of a new woman’s club was never more apparent. Of course, there are a few clubs scattered about, but there isno concerted movement in the right direction. We are already starting branches in Flushing, Staten Island, East Orange, Montclair and Port Chester. We expect soon to extend our sphere as far as Omaha, The great difficulty hitherto has been to reach the mothers, who have shown a strange lack of interest, but we think we can get them all in.” “How about their babies?” “We shall aim to discourage their personal care gently, but judiciously, by the extensive use of nurses specially prepared. The details of this I am not able yet to give you. Suffice it to say that our members who happen to be mothers shall no longer be handicapped in their innate desire to grow into a larger life.” Although the new and imposing clubhouse is not all com- plete, the bridge-rooms have been put in order, and it has, therefore, been thrown open to the members. ‘The main floor, besides the bridge-room, will be occupied with a billiard hall, bowling alley, gossip suites, a library and a storeroom for all the latest magazines. This room is arranged, by the way, so that drays can drive right up to the window and the magazines shot in through a chute into the files. The club will, of course, be on a temperance basis, only the lighter and more delicate shades of cocktails being served. The cocktail-room will be decorated in Irish lace. No woman’s club would, of course, be complete without a civics department. The civics department is used for the discussion of new styles, points in bridge, automobile itiner- aries, luncheons, teas, afternoons, complexions, husbands and civics. Occasionally prominent professors will be engaged to talk on sociology, factory culture in the abstract, municipal ownership and other things which are of such supreme importance, all from a theoretical standpoint. Adjoining the civics department will be an opera theme room. All the latest styles in opera themes will be on hand for the use of the members. The top floor will be devoted to sleeping-rooms, every room being fitted up with a curling-iron outfit, a copy of Cushing’s Manual on Parliamentary Law and a set of Henry James. ‘The club is connected by private wire with Wall Street. Following is the Constitution s much talk as possible about Oxyjects: As usual, tomake reforming the world. To hatch out new fads. To set the styles. To provide a regular income for professional lecturers, who otherwise would have to beg from door to door. To secure for all wives and mothers a safe refuge from their husbands and children. To use up useless time. To get up petitions to the President. To settle, if possible, once and for all whether it is better to lead from strength or weakness. To read religiously but secretly if necessary all the best- sellers. To discuss personal grievances. To combine these wherever possible with the subjects under discussion. To deprecate in every way possible the wearing of birds on hats, or the slaughter of fur-bearing animals, except when these are rendered absolutely necessary by the prevailing modes. To examine into the condition of the working classes through a lorgnette. To discuss the higher criticism, old masters, culture, philosophy, ethics, child labor, education and the larger life, between hands. To provide a refuge for intellectual spinsters with reduced sentiments. To create new degrees and To spend money. The club shall consist of four classes of members, viz.: Married women, Single women, Women, Ladies. The election of officers shall take place as often as necessary. All officers shall be clected ne X by popular clamor. A majority of all the bridge players shall constitute a quorum. AN IOWA MEMBER comicbooks.com