Life — April 18, 1907 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Some Pure Food Thoughts TIS reported that while Congressman James McKinney, of Aledo, IIL, was down on the Isthmus of Panama recently, prospecting, with other mem- bers of the same legislative body, for a canal site that was warranted to have a bottom somewhere, he was attacked by an alligator “as large as a street-car,” which tried to devour him, body, soul and breeches. Alligators are so much like children, they want to put everything that pleases their sight right into their mouths. Mr. McKinney is no doubt attractive to the sight—we believe we recall hearing a Washington girl say he looked good enough to cat—but we wish to caution all alligators, on the Isthmus or else- where, that they cannot eat Congress- men with impunity. Not that the supply could not be kept up indefinitely and would be gladly, but we do not want to kill off all the alligators. Mr. Sinclair didn’t say so in “The Jungle,” but it is a fact, nevertheless, that if the packers of Packingtown had put any Congressman meat in their packages there would have been such a row raised as to make what SIR EDWIN SANDYS" BEAUTIE SHOWS Go PRIZE PEACHES Frort LONDON, Souvem as THE FIKST JAMESTOWN EXPOSITION was raised seem like a peace congress. Alligators may love pickaninnies and thrive on them, but a Congressman is different. If the alligator had succeeded in his designs, it would have been disa- greeable, not to say painful, for the mem- ber from Illinois, but his conclusion would have been a delicious dream com- pared with what the alligator would have had to undergo before he finally got away to meet his dinner, so to speak. It is earnestly hoped that when Congress men go into the alligator belt they will hang out some sort of a signal warning the ignorant saurians that the Pure Food Bill does not apply to Congressmen in action, Consolation Overdone “C)H, YES, she is disappointed that she has no children, but I said to her: ‘My dear, be consoled. After all, you can never be sure beforehand how a child will turn out, and if you had had a boy, how do you know that he would not have grown up to be the kind of creature that brings lighted cigars into the strect cars?’ But at that she fainted, and I knew I had overdone it.” (ea ry JOHN SMITH AND: i EDNA MAY Tocantontas, dh tet sage Piye A elbator es tits While There Is Life There's Hope Requiescat ASED in the dungeons of a cold Chillon Or fettered to the galley of a lord Of Rome, to work or starve without a word Save curse or cuff, without a gleam of sun Or sea that dying eyes might gaze upon, The martyr’s life and death did once afford A glory and an uplift ’gainst the horde Of pangs for life so wrecked when scarce begun. Now, tighter bound, my heart bleeds, not my flesh; For Law and Social Order weave a mesh, The smirking solace of the church com- mands; While, hopeless, I live on but to forget And pray that at the last my God may let Some gentle stranger hold my paling hands, EL B.W. A HOUSE PARTY comicbooks.com