Life — March 28, 1907 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOI BILL?” “UM ABOUT TO PAWN MY WINTER PLUMAGEL”” been written fifty years ago. It is said that Dickens and Thackeray, not to speak of Trollope, are voted long-winded by the brisk rising generation. Moments come in “Joseph Vance,” there is no denying it, when even a Trollopean may balk at the details, the digressions, the wanton delaying of the game. I confess to having laid it down with the snobbish presenti- ment that it would prove caviare to the general, I was wrong; by all accounts it s being read as it deserves. Will it con- tinue to be read? I almost think so; and yet I should not be surprised to see it ta- king its place presently among the Trilbys of yesteryear. At all events, it will have been a pleasant momentary solace to many of us who grow tired, in spite of ourselves, of the “well-made” novel and the “well-made” Andover, Mass. HH. W. Boynton. A Modern One-Act Curtain Raiser Scenr: A Drawing-Room in the White House. The President Shaving; Secretary Loeb Sitting. HE PRESIDENT: Read the news while I shave—saves time. Secretary LOEB: There have been re- newed disturbances in Russia. Multi- tudes of Jews massa- cred. THE PRESIDENT: Telegraph Nicholas that he must stop it at ai EIE™ once. His rows make trouble here and I won’t stand them any longer.” Secretary Lorn: But, Si no law Tue Prestpent: Never mind that. Rush the dispatch, and then send for Root and Taft and let them crawl out of it some way. There are one hundred thousand Jewish voters in New York and I have got to capture them. What next? Secretary Lorn: There is a coal strike in Illinois, and the Governor has issued a proclamation — Tue Presivent: Tell him to stop it. Pilissue a proclamation. Secretary Logs: But, Sire, there is no law. The Governor does not take orders from—— THE PRestve: Oh! bother that. This coal business is my job. I have pre- empted it. The miners’ vote will carry two States in 1908, and I am going to have them. Go ahead. Secretary Loen: The Mayor of New York has called a meeting to devise new means of transit. ‘Te Presipent: He’s allwrong. Tele- graph that I will abolish fares. ‘That’s the way—no seat, no fare. SEcRETARY Lorn: But, Sire, there is no law, ‘Tne Presipent: Oh! let Wadsworth see to that. Free rides for all will make the East Side solid in 1908, and we will havea cinch. Next? Secretary Loes: A National Mothers’ Meeting is called in Ohio. Tue Prestpent: Good. Telegraph them that hereafter the Government will pay all expenses of confinement and nursing. The State must care s future citizens. ETARY LOEB: But, Sire, there is no law—— Tue PRESIDENT: Never———J mind that. They won’t find it out before 1908. The women are a great force and I am bound to have them for me. Get on with the next. Secretary Logs: The Rail- way Company isenlarging the station at Oyster Bay. Tue PRESIDEN don’t want that. Tell them to move it a mile up the track. It will suit me better. Secretary Logs: But, Sire, there is no law—— Tue Presipe e, there is Look here, Loeb, 445 you make me tired. The Constitution says that the President shall regulate all duties, and it is the duty of these people to do what I tell them. Secretary Logs: But, Sire, excuse me. That refers to duties on imports, and it is Congress, not the President —— ‘Tue Prestpent: Oh! damn the Con- stitution. I don’t care what it says. The meaning is what counts—what I under- stand it to mean. Send for Fuller and tell him to get his old Justices together and fix up a decision to suit the case, or I will appoint some new fellows who will do it p.d.q. Sce? Good-by. Cut away. Exit Secretary Loeb whistling “Who'll be king but Charlie?” Discovered IOGENES turned up the wick and sallied forth. At the Main Square he met a man with a bored look. “Why so sad?” asked the Old Philos- opher. “T have just come from the perform- ance of ‘Peer Gynt,’”’ was the answer, “Was it not good?” “Tt might have been,” said the Man, “but I hadn’t the slightest idea what it all about.” “You'll do!” exclaimed Diogenes. Saying which they linked arms and went to the Minerva Street Theatre, where, buying seats from a speculator, they entered and enjoyed ‘schylus’s latest musical comedy. “DO YOU CONSIDER A CHAUFFEUR WORTH TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH?” “WELL, THE LAST ONE I HAD RAN AWAY WITH MY WIFE, AND YOU KNEW MY WIFE, OLD MAN.” comicbooks.com