Life — February 7, 1907 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OVER THE TELEPHONE What's that? Hello!!! Hello! H Won't L get what? How do you sp Who was that T can’t stand here and yell all day! Connect me with tha When did they call? Fine se When? Just now. Please give me two-four-nine! Hello! Now, Nell! Keep off this line! You want a card of what? Ob! Lard? L understand! You want a yacd. A yard of what? A yaed of Thave it now! A yard of t Blue what? A yard of blue and white— Lscet A yard of blu light — of light blue— Ri Ripe what? Ripe tripe? T get it You want a yard—how's that? Wash milk? ster butted ?—ayt You want a y stripe! 1 sce!—of blue, whit —G. D. Whister, in Saturday striped wash silk, ning Post. KNEW HIM AT ONCE ways of bringing a mind besides Among the candidates who were sent ne young man pd delights the nd sometimes pleases ‘There are othe mentioning his from Princeton t whose language wa you the elders which dazzles mbers well In this case the committee were besieged to ask for the young, man again, and they consented, but unfortunately the m: whose lot it fell to write the lett name. Nothing daunted, be wrote to one of the seminary pro- fessors “Please send us that starlight and moonbeam young man name, but we've no ¢ «We do.” sent, and subsequently was called to the parish panion, ad forgotten the foweret, streamlet, rivulet, cloud ain, We've forgotten wubt you'll recognize him,” wrote the professor: and the desired candidate was outh's Com- TRANSLATION CALLED FOR Dowsricnt Woxtax: Where did you come from? Ccassic Teaup: Madam, I castigated my itinerary from the classic Athens of Amer “Tasked ye where did you come from?” “1 beat my way from Boston."—Baltimore American, “Do ve tar-reaching think the sked the fects of the Brownsville affair will be an who interviews everybody for the Washington Star Pinkley. “TA deir names changed Cum T answered Era 4 ingtc HOUSES > Moor: Pardon me, sir, but isn't there another artist in this, building? Agrist: Well, that i fellow who paints —Brown on. There is another matter of opi {ter dispute with calm Eng: Let me tell It is a lucky thing for you that -ak English nor box!" —Kire Eyteearcy excited Frenchman Tishman at the Jardin de a something, AY ARCHITECT rer he had been to see the great nave in the new churc ‘The lady replied: “Don’t mention names; I know the man to whom you refer."—The News. “AREN'T you ASHAMED p's MORRIBLE OATHS?” HAMED NCIFIN | DAT KID'S FR NATUAL-BORN SWEARER WOT ANYBODY MIGHT LEARN OF, 0 STAND THERE LISTENING TO THAT AS A work of art, the hook is perfect; asa literary effort, it is worthy of the highest commendation.—Richmond Times-Dis- patch, Writing as a whole is divisible into art, literary efforts and stories of Nlaska.—, York Post. A race of men who had never before seen a white man have been discovered in the Arctic region. They will live to regret the incident.—Mexican Herald, THE MISSION OF SAINT VALENTINE. When winter's at his oldest And coldest And boldest, ‘Then cometh good Saint Valenti ‘To show that love is burning And sighing and yearning, And breathe upon the wintry earth his tenderness divine. When life is at its bleakest And meckest And weakest, ‘Then cometh good Saint Valentine, ‘To show that love is rosy And wistfuleyed and cozy. And breathe on every torpid heart his tenderness divine. —Goot Housekeeping, NO WAY TO BEAT IT Not long ago an Irishman, who had been in Denver but a few weeks, wanted to go into business. He had a little money and, aftcr looking around awhile, bought a cigar stand. When he had been in possession of it a week in and sold him a slot machine. It was one of the kind in which a person puts a nickel and presses a lever. If the o chooses comes he wins, if cither of the other two on the whee ops under the arrow he loses. 1 Irishman was told he coubt fix his own scheme of play for the machine, The first man who decided to try it said to the Celt: “Tim, if my color doesn’t come under the arrow I lose my nickel, eh?” “Sure,” replied the proprietor of the stand. “Well, wat do T get if 1 win?” You git anawther trial.” Another trial?” came from the perplexed customer, “But, suppose I keep on wivning?” “Aw, gwan wid ye," said the Irishman. “You can't win more than two of three toimes in succession. If you do, you git anawther trial each toime.”” “The customer changed his mind about playing the mac Denver Post. ten days a man came NOT SO VERY FINAL “T cannot be your wife,” she replied ; and added, * * final.” He paced swiftly to and fro several times, then halted abruptly in front of Pray be candid with me.” be said, not without the note masculine impatience. “About how final?” This was too much. She burst into tears. “How do I know?” she sobbed. —Umion and Advertiser. Paraick O'Rovesr, a familiar character who was known to practically every one in his town, had occasion to appear bef a police magistrate to answer a charge of larceny. After hear the testimony of two witnesses who said they saw Pat take the goods the magistrate said “Well. Pat, I think you are guilty” “And phat makes you think that?" asked Pat, hese two men, who say they saw you take the goods." And is that all?" asked Pat, in surprise, bring two hundred min who will swear they dida’t see me take them.""—Green Bag. “Why,mon, 1 aa 00 a year in advance, Britain. land, AGENTS. Single current copies, 10 cents. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed env The illustrations in Lire. are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. ‘The International News Company, Breams Prompt ication should be se by subscribers of any change of address. Wilson - Vor guarantee of purity, see back \abel oneverubdile; Wat's WY EVANS’ ALE »» STOUT are sold in strict conformity to the National Pure Food Law, the consumer and dealer be- ing protected under General Guaranty No. 547 filed with the Department in Washington. Cc. H. EVANS & SONS comicbooks.com ta