Life — January 24, 1907 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Song of the Centurions “Auld Lang Syne” “QHOULD we resi; Platt— He was dining with old Depew. No! I will cling like an old tom-cat If you will stick like glue.” cried old Tom And a song they sang, these It was short and sad and sere: “We're here, because we're hei We're here, be enators gray, because ‘ause we're here.’ Creswell Mactaughlin. HE state of Elder Smoot is more defi- nite than his status; he is the Senator from Utah—perhaps, mebbe, who knows? and most of the time he is a storm center, a text for demagogues, a target for t shricking sisterhoods, a punching bag for Senatorial windl Smoot doesn't know where he is at; like the Brownsville coons, he is convicted and condemned -LIFE: heHuman/oo Index Expurgatorius of the W.C. T. with the army canteens and a choice list of breath changers; and while the Senate would admit him freely, and face the an- ger of a republic if necessary, it lacks the courage to face its wives. Smoot is up against the eternal feminine; he is the victim of that phase of public opinion which believes Utah is a condition, not a state, which exists to nullify the most precious fruits of our civilization—race suicide and divorce. The opposition of the sex to Smoot is inexplicable, Utah representsa broader and more com- prehensive love than New England. When Dan Cupid becomes an imperiali: and expansionist the result is polygam: and yet the rustiest old bachelor from Saccarappa to the Salton Sea is more hon- ored in girl-congested New England than all the pluralists from Solomon to Smoot. Can it be that the New Woman, who is the tongue of the sex, would accept Utah as freely as she does South Dakota if polygamy were supplemented and evened up by polyandry? The question of Smoot and the Senate ought.to be settled soon; and a grateful country will put him in the Senate for life and ask no questions, if he will only annex the W. C. T. U. matri- monially, polygamously or any old way, and maroon them in Utah for our good. Smoot is a saint; here’s a chance for him to be an angel; our silence is the price of his Senatorial salvation JOS Uncle Russell Sage’s Shekels RS. RUSSELL SAGE reports that she is getting no help of any value from volunteers who suggest to her chan- nels into which her late husband’s money might be usefully diverted. She would like it very much if folks would stop writ- ing letters offering to relieve her of drib- lets of her burden. We are sorry for Mrs. Sage. She has an awful job on her hands. We believe we know of a man who could help her with it. One of the hardest jobs in sight just now—not counting the Panama ‘ Canal—is to dam the Colorado River. When the President felt that he ought to help about that he asked Mr. Harriman to tackle it, Now, to set an enormous lake of money in motion is a task pre- cisely the opposite of curbing an unruly river, yet we believe Mr. Harriman would be a good hand at that, too. “He has en- ergy and imagination, and knows of lots of ways of using money. He certainly would get a move on Uncle Russell’s pile if he was invited to put his mind on it. Mrs. Sage says she prefers that her late husband's surplus shekels should be ex- pended for the benefit of this community of New York, in which he lived so long and was so highly esteemed. Mr. Harri- man might want to spend the money in California or Utah, That would be the danger with him. His mind wanders very far. But here's an idea. If Mrs. Sage should buy thirty or forty million dol- lars’ worth of the securities of the Inter- borough Railroad Company and. give them to the city of New York, it might help in getting better transportation ser- vice for the folks here. That, if it could be done, would be a service of enormous value, and a remarkably suitable use to put Uncle Russell's money to. The Coin Is His HE Nobel gold peace medal has reached President Roosevelt. A fine trophy it is, and supremely adapted to rejoice its winner, if he has left any to be rejoiced by such thins Sometimes it seems that as the Standard Oil gentleman and the Pittsburg million- aire are thought to have cheapened 'y in the general esteem by getting such a raft of it, so Mr. Roosevelt has cheapened reputation by biting off in so comicbooks.com