Life — January 17, 1907 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AUT Se1SSeR5, AMT O.CEGtes ALL QUIET ALONG THE POTOMAC Al's quiet along the Potomac to-night, A lawn-tennis silence prevails; The forces of nature that leap in the light Are calm when the slow twilight pales, ‘The typewriters rest for the nonce on their arms, ‘The Big Stick is hung on the bo And so the Rough Writer, for war's rude alarms, Secks the battles they tell of in books. Potomac to-night, ace prize is shedding its ray In the halls where the fists of the furious write When diplomats dare obey ‘The sentry’s “All's well!” has been heard on the wall, e brone are chewing their oats; ‘The calm of the spirit is over it all And the war trumpet mufiles its notes All's quiet along the Potomac to-nigh No friend in a faraway land Is feeling, by etter, the strength and the might And the force of a strenuous hand companion is getting a roast No woman is catching Dutch fits; With a book by the fire, where his shins warmly toast, Our blest ruler in peacefulness sits. All's quict along the Potomac to-night the workd, as he orders it, rolls; up rh the delight ikdest of militant souls. explosicn for almost four days, ed for awhile— ze has altered his ways BEGINNINGS OF SOME MODERN FAIRY-TALES “Once upon a time there was a seventeen: year-old poet who was not Schiller’s superior” “Onee upon a time there was an operatic tenor who could. sing"— “Once upon at eft a millic “Once time there was a physician whose handwriting was legible “Once upon a time there was a tramp who admired cyclists and automobilist “Once upon a time there was a dry-goods clerk who forbade the waiter to a Dace upan a time the Wecke (an illustrated Berlin paper) appeared without containing a picture of the Kaiser” “There was once a classical play repecsented for which the box-office was sold out.""—Translated from Jugend jor The Literary Digest there was a public schoolteacher who AVE Nyllv): NOTES FOR YOUNG HOUSEKEEPERS To keep furniture from cracking—Have no heavyweight callers “The best kind of cards for calling is four aces Potatoes a la Bernhardt are p To keep egzs lay them in a cool place. If the hens do your laying for you, notify them An excellent thing for luncheon is an appetite. To avoid toothache, be careful not to lay your teeth in a draugh Tigny cake is made by taking a dry cake and into it until it can hold no more, If it is not tipsy then, it ought to be.—Boston Transcript oes cut long and slim, fing whisky THE OPTIMIST I'S Coop To KNOW THERE'S ONE WHO, THOUGH IN TRADE THERE 18 A LULL. STILL DOFSN'T MIND THAT LIPE'S A GRIND AND EVERYTHING IS DULL SUFFICIENTLY PUNISHED Jeper (to lawyer}: Mr. Sharp, are you defending this pris- oner? Lawyer: Tam, your Honor. And how much is he charged with stealing?” Fifty dollars, your Honor.” “Well, we'll let him go; he'll be punished enough anyhow.” “What do you mean, your Honor ?”” “Why, by the time you get that fifty. and then he works out the other hundred you'll charge him, he'll be sorry enough he ever was dishonest."—Toledo Blade. WHY "THE NEW LEAF” ‘There is too much said at New Year's about turning over 3 new leaf. Are the old leaves all so badly written that one must hasten to forget them? Is the blank, untouched page more pleasant to the eye of more fortifying to the will than those cly written, underlined, untidy but familiar pages which make up the story of one’s life? These pages of experience turn 30 easily in the band! They open by themselves, almost, to 1 many passages worth remembering. Will the trim virgin page New Year yield anything really more desirable? Nv nnual counsel to turn over a new leaf is but a restless, dis satisfied injunction. One's old habits may not have been such bad habits, after all. Some of them may be deemed actually 4, even by the sharpest-visaged conscience that ever went peering about, like a meticulous housekeeper, on New Year's morning. And even if the old ways, hopes and days’ works were not all of the very first quality, one may well protest agains: that unmindful virtue that woukl turn them all outdoors at the end of December, to make room for the guests of the New Year Atle WORN TO THE BONE A scientific gentleman in Washington recently returned fron: South America, bringing with him, not as the fruits of his labs but merely for the purposes of science, a collection of Patagonian skulls, . At New York the customs officers opened the chest contain ing the skulls, duly inspected them and informed the scientist that the consignment must be classed as animal bones, and as jable at so much per pound, Whereupon the scientific gen tleman evinced great indignation. After some parley the toms people agree! to submit the matter to the Treasury Depar ment if the way-bill were revised in a way they suggested. The result was that the way-bill was altered to read as follows “Chest of native skulls. Personal effects, already worn."— Harper's Weekly. A GRACEFUL GETAWAY Mr. Makinbrakes, who had been urged to stay for luncheon, was trying to make a graceful getaway "Awfully sorry,” be said, “and ever so much obliged, but 1 couldn’t think of it, It’s a lot of bother to have people dre on you unexpectedly and to feel that you've got to invite them to stay and cat with you—er—just to be polite, you know—I mean that it's always a lot of bother for me, of course, particul when—when it happens to be somebody that you don’t care for, anyhow—speaking of myself, you understand—or perhaps 1 should say J don't mean myself in this particular case—well. anyhow, I have an engagement, besides. of it would afford me great pleasure. I assure you, to—to—well, good-afternooa, Mr. and Mrs, Varney." —Chicago Tribune. HE HAS THE EARTH Some months ago excavations were being made for new tracks on the line of a certain famous railway. At one point a Rear-by resident obtained permission to remove a quantity of turf to resod his premises, the section boss being instructed to notify the excavating “gang” when the resident should have secured all he desired. ‘The Hibernian’s report is as follows: “The man that wanted the earth has got it.""—Harper's Monthly. Lire. is published every Thursday. $5.00 a year in advance. Postage to foreign counties in the * Postal Union, $1.04 a year extra. Single current copies, 10 cents. from date of publicatic Lire is for sale by Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, Acests. Back numbers, after three moaths in Great Britain. The International News Company, Bream’s No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. The illustrations in Live are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. 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