Life — January 3, 1907 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

26 To Whom It May Concem HAVE an car for music—I can even make a bluff At listening to Wagner and to other classic stuff. ‘The harp that once through Tara’s halls, the fiddle, fife and drum Excite a jubilation within my tympanum. O, yes, my taste is cath'lic, yet T veniure to protest Against the sort of melody that's labeled “ By Request.” I'm not averse to opera—I rather like the score As offered by Herr Conried for the thousandth time or more; And when the prima donna is sick or on a strike I worship Fraulein Frumpsky from Freiburg-on-the-Pike. But appetite deserts me, and dessert will not diges When the band puts by the programme for something “By Request.” To adjust the jaws to ragtime is a feat of which T boast, y soup to Sousa, chew Das Rheingold” with the roast; An entree with “Aida” it is my delight to munch, While a liqueur with a largo Ican sip m pusical free lunch. Adagio, andante, allegretto—Oui, mais peste! Ach himmel! Dieu! Sapristi! Police! v's “By Request.” Last night I'had a vision: I had reached the golden shore— “Tt would have been a beautcous dream if it had been no more.” I beard the herald qngels sing, a harp was in my hand, Beethoven waved his baton to direct the heavenly band When suddenly I shouted, “Am I really damned or blest?” For there, in flaming letters, burned the legend, “By Reques No matter. Retribtition will o'ertake him, soon or late, The tables of the table d’hote be turned. Attend his Fa In the lowest pit of Limbo he shall call for food and drink, From a marvel of a menu that would make Lucullus blink. But for soup they'll serve salpeter, and the liquor he loves best Will be ladled out as lava—" By Unanimous Request.” William Trowbridge Larned. Prophecies from Shakespeare I, Things of To-day Fo JTBALL—* Then you and I and all of us fell down.” Julius Casar. Gotr—* Good words are better than bad strokes.” King John The spirit of the time shall teach me speed.” King John. ‘Tur Bicycte—“To climb steep hills requires slow pace at —Henry VIII. 1—Our children’s children shall see this and Tue Avto— bless heaven.” Henry VIII Tne Muck Rakr—*Past and to come scems best; things present worst.” -Henry IV’. tte THEATRICAL Trust—* Lay aside life-harming he: ness and entertain a cheerful disposition.” Richard IT, Lire—*Now the fair goddess, Fortune, fall deep in love with thee! Prosperity be thy page!” Symphonic Poesy HEN the great composer heard that his nval had written a symphonic poem which called for fourteen cow-bells in the orchestra, he laughed derisively. “Amateurish!” he exclaimed. “It is impossible to ring cow bells in such a wi y that their sound will be wholly and invari Wait, mes enjants, until I shall have ably devoid of harr completed my symphonic poem for one hundred and twenty- nine phono; Then we shall sce who is king of music Cow AO THE MG CHOY BOURBORNELLER WAS QUITE AN INGENIOUS TELLER 2. JUST A TWIST OF HIS WRIST AND A MOVE OF 11S FIST $ AND HIS WIFE WAS A FINE UMBRELLER Pah! s the merest folly!” comicbooks.com