Life — November 1, 1906 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘AMT $5908), AV, NL) THE HUMORIST and his clown fell ill one day. 1¢ king, as he lay on his royal bed, Bebolding the clown, was moved to say: “Lo. all my glory has from me fled One man wears motley, and ¢ rown, We raise distinctions and cling to caste, But the hand of the Master strikes us down, And the king and his clown are the same at last.” The poor, pale clown turned wearily. And looked across where the monarch lay: Nay, master, it is not so,” said “Though we share one lot in common to-day T must have my wits when T rise again, Or another clown to your feet they'll bring But you, O sire, though you retain No spark of reason, will still be kin =S. E. Kiser, in Chicago Record-Heral. A story is told of the late John L. Toole, the comedian, and Mr. Justice Hawkins, now Lord Brampton. They were at supper together discussing the events of incidentally mentioned that he the man he had been trying fifteen years beca he blandly inquired: “Oh, would you mind my calling at the newspaper offices and telling them about t fifteen years? It will be a tip for them—exclusive informa- tion, you know—and will do me no end of good with the press.” “Good God! No, sit." exclaimed the who took the precaution of accompanying Toole to his hotel and seeing him salely to bed.—Rochester Herald. it. As Toole was lea IN THESE STRENUOUS DAYS. "Here, boy, give me one of today's papers.” “Sorry, mister, but I ain't got any. All I've got’s day after to-morrow's.” “Haven't you an} “Nope. Sold ‘em all out day before yesterday."—Cleveland Press to-morrow's?” WRONGLY NAMED Irish stew is a dish unknown in Ireland. Jerusalem artichokes were never heard of in Jerusalem. Prussian blue does not come from Prussia, but {rom the red. prussiate of potash. Galvanized iron is not galvanized; it is zine-coated. Catgut is not the gut of cats, but of sheep. Kid gloves do not come from kid skins, but fi Sealing: wax has no wax in it nor is it a by-produ lamb skins the seal Wormwood bears no relation either to wood or worms. Rice soper is never made from rice. Salt is not a salt. pret coins are bronze, not copper. India ink is unknown in India. ‘Turkeys come from our own country; from Turkey never. Toronto Truth. HE OBEYED THE SIGN A group of actors sat waiting for Heary W. Savage in the Garden Theatre, New York, between rehearsals the other day, when the conversation turned to subject of smart boy “When I was on the staff of the New York Daily News J. Hayden Clarendon, who has now given up journalism to play the part of Artie in“ The Prince of Pilsen,” “we had an office boy who was the greatest success as a failure and the greatest failure as a success that you ever saw. On one occasion I sent him to Richard Harding Davis's rooms to get some ‘copy? Pretty soon we heard a clatter of feet on the stairs and in burst the boy. entirely out of breath. What's the trouble? Wasn't he there?* I asked. No, sir, he’s out and de joint’s all locked up.* “Then why the dickens didn’t you wait for him, as I told you?" Tasked Wh-wh-why, dere wuz a note on the door dat said, “Return at once,” so I Vought youse wanted me back quick.’"—Chicago Chronicle. ING DO US PART AN APPROPRIATE EPITAPH ‘The following is a copy of the epitaph of a watchmaker, written by himself, in which he is compared to a watch that had rin down “Here lies, in horizontal position, the outside case of George Ritter, whose abiding Integrity was his mainspeing and prudence the I the actions of his life. Humane, generous and his hand never stopped till he had relieved He never wet wrong, except when set ag did not know his key. Even then he was easily set right again. He had the art of dispensing of his time sa well that bis hours lided by in one continual round of pleasure and delight. till an unlucky minute pat an end to his existence. His case rests and moulders and decays beneath the turf, but his good works willl never die.” —Tit- Bits, ¢ in that line was an honor to his HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF The old “hoss” trader, who was said to be the origina! David Harum, operated in central New York. A frietid was also in the business had purchased a fine team on ¢ mission and invited David to accompany him on the trip of delivery. ‘They entered a parlor car and had seated thems« comfortably for a night’s ride when a dapper young maa entered and, after glancing around, walked up to them “Pardon me, gentlemen,” be said. “I guess you ate in wrong seat.” “Guess nat.” said David ; very comfortable as we are.” “Possibly you don't know who T am," said the stra “Calc’late thet’s right,” said David. “I'm Sloan, the son of the president of this road.” “Derned if I care,” said Dave, “but I g who Tam.” ‘The young man confessed that he didn’t have the pleas the interrogator's acquaintance. “Well,"" drawled Dave, “I'm the father of the Cardiff ( and he settled back while the astonished president's so in contusion —Springfeld Union. “we've paid our fare and we are “Ture is entirely too much talk in our politics.” says a Boston newspaper. It can't be helped. Grover Cleveland has monopolized the silence and there is nothing for the rest of xs to do but converse. —Houston Port. Arcimmistor RYAN was once accosted on the street more by a man who knew the archbishop’s face, but could ct quite place it. Yow, where in bell have T seen you?” he asked. perplexed)y From where in hell do you come, sir?"—Eversto DOG, NOT DOGMA A Baltimore man tells of attending a church on one occasice when the minster delivered a sermon of but ten minutes! dy tion—a most unuswal thing for him Upon the conclusion of his remarks. the minister hy “T regret to inform you, brethren, that my dog, who appeats be peculiarly tond of paper. this morning ate that portion of sermon that I have not delivered.” Alter the service, the clergyman was met at the door by a man who, as a rule, attended divine service in another part Shaking the good man by the hand. he said: ™ Doctor, I should like to know whether that dog of vosrs bss any pups. If so, I want to get one to give to my minister."— Harper's Weekly. MECHANICAL. “That's my best work,” said the poct, after reading the verses to Crittick. “I'm thinking of having it copyrighted “Copyright?” said Crittick. “HT were you I'd have it patented."—San Francisco Call. Youncstee (triumphantly): Father, 1am not sitting oo be lowest form now Pagent: That's right ! Here's a shilling for you. Dut to me how you came to pass on to the hi Phe lowest form is being painted.” —Schelur's Owa Lire. is published every T y y . year extra. Single current copies, 10 cents al Union, $1 0. from date of publication, 25 cents Live is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The International News Company, Brea Building, Chancery Lane, Landon, E. C., England, AGENTS. Postage to foreign Back numbers, untties in the f three moaths No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addresud envdepe The illustrations im Lure. are copyrighted, and are ret to be reproduced. Vor guorawtee of purity, see back \abel oneverybaiile; Act's WY MOTYAT, YARD & COMPANY ation should be sent by subscribers of any change 0 This FINE STORY D. with the ROMANCE and HUMOR of MARRIED LIFE Illustrated by Bayard Jones NOW READY EVERYWHERE The VON BLUMERS By TOM MASSON Managing Editor of LIFE and Author of ««A Corner in Women” ALS, with INSIGHT and BRILLIANCY, 12mo, $1.50 net (postage 14¢.) MOFFAT, YARD & COMPANY, NEW YORK @ Most Perfect Block Signals on the New York Central Lines Th Th Tea! Dess Tabl Breal Tabs Eve comicbooks.com