Life — October 18, 1906 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

430 A Hymn Revised (A corporation has been jormed to bottle and ship water Jrom the river Jordan jor baptismal pur poses.) O* JORDAN'S stormy banks I stand And cast a wistful Across the stretch of barren sand- ‘The stream has been pumped dry. A weary pilgrim, here I wait, My fevered brow to lave But by transcontinental freight They've shipped the bounding wave. Long time ago I turned my feet Fair Jordan’s banks to strike— ‘The river glimmers in the heat, As dusty as a pike. I see across to Canaan’s land Where shovel, scoop and dredge Are loading up the soil and sand And setting fields on ed; On Sinai’s mount the drills now hum And blasts fill all the air— hey're quarrying new tablets from The rock formations there. Each hallowed spot that once I dreamed ‘A place serene and dear Is now with excavations seamed To make a souvenir. With Sinai carved in tablets small, And Canaan boxed in pecks, And Jordan held in bottles tall, ‘This thought my soul must vex: Do we now face the dreadful day, And is it near at hand, When sinners in a hurry may Get their religion canned ? D. Nesbit. In the Name of Humanity HE cheering news comes to us from over the sea that the English ‘“Posi- tivists,” who are now commemorat- ing the fifticth anniversary of the death of Auguste Comte, have held a meeting at Clifford’s Inn, London, which was deco- rated for the occasion with thirteen busts of the thii teen great men who have given their names to the thirteen months of the Positivist calendar —Moses, Homer, Archimedes, Aristotle, Julius Cysar, Paul, Charlemagne, Dante, Gutenberg, Shakespeare, Des- cartes, Frederick the Great and Bichat. The precise theory of selection by which these names have been chosen to represent the “Religion of Humanity” Mrs. Silhouette: DOCTOR, ISN'T THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO FOR MY INCREASING PATNISS? Dr. Scissors: AN OPERATION IS YOUR ONLY HOPE. Mrs. S.: 18 THAT so? WELL, I'M READY TOR IT WHENEVER YOU ARE WILLING TO UNDERTAKE IT The Doctor : TWXRE"S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT. TLL BEGIN Now is not apparent to the uninitiated; but, apart from the advantage of having thirteen months instead of twelve in every year (a real gain when life is so short), it must be pleasant for the Posi- tivists to be able to say, “Bitterly cold Moses we're having this year” (Moses standing for the first twenty-eight days of January); or “Julius Casar” (May) “has been late and rainy all over Eng- land”; or “Blazing hot Charlemagne” (July), ‘isn’t it?” Even the intellectual delight of dating one’s letters “Archi- medes the oth,” or having the 4th of Gutenberg for a birthday, is one to be deeply respected. The French Revolutionists devised a calendar in which every week was to be ten days long, the months were to have charming new names, “ Frimaire,” ‘‘Flo- réal,” ‘Messidor,” and all France—or what was left of it—was to assist, freshand smiling, at the regeneration of the world. The Revolutionists were not without some shadowy notions of a ‘Religion of Humanity,” and they took good, drastic measures to establish the new creed and the new calendar. The gentler Posi- tivists, though they christen their months Julius Cesar and Frederick the Great, deplore the shedding of blood. Mrs. Bridger, the leading speaker of the Lon- don meeting, expressed, we are told, “the essence of Positivism” when she said: ‘Greater than the family is the country, Lut greater than the country is humanity.” A remark as amiable as it is obvious. Agnes Repplier. A Poser CERTAIN psychologist is making some original researches regarding the sc-called ‘questioning age” of chil- dren. He has an inquisitive young son that serves for an illustration, and one day, when the two were walking, he pur- posely allowed the boy’s questions to go on and on while he answered each one as best he could. At last he was forced to fall back on that ever-useful, ever-avail- able answer: “God made it.” But Carl was not silenced. “Is there anything God can’t do?” he asked. “No, my son.”” “Then could he lick another God just as big and strong as he is?” Something Wrong “(OULD you lend me your auto- mobile for to-morrow?” “With pleasure.” “Never mind, old chap, if it’s in that condition I don’t believe I want it.” “TT HEY say that burglar is the son of an insurance president.” “1 see: hereditary.” comicbooks.com