Life — October 4, 1906 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

With a plump and pleasing person to which wet garments might cling without derogation, it were different, but the stern old Puritans were no respecters of persons. * For the men folks they had the stocks, which were of two sorts, one upholstered and the other not. This gave rise to the distinction, in’ the vernacular, between common and_ preferred ‘stocks, which obtains even to this day in certain sections of the country. Lief Ericson was really a poet, and only went into the discovering line in order to defray the postage, which was much greater in those days. He was about the earliest example of the literary pirate, but vithal something of a dilettante. He al- vs thought he discovered America, whereas, in point of fact, he only dis- Wd Mii ~ P a covered Newport, which, as we all know, is no more America than the foam is the ORIGIN OF AMERICAN FOOTBALL. YALE VS. INDIANS—1659 beer (Aber der Schaum ist das Bier auch nicht cugleich). and a megaphone draped with blue streamers. The savage St. Patrick, on the other hand, was more practical. He had was frozen with horror, but managed to affect the charac- the faculty of going always to the kernel of the matter, as is teristic stoicism of his race and stood pa evidenced by his discovering New York, in preference either “T can’t stand patter,” he is quoted as saying. “Anything to Boston or Philadelphia, although the Irishry of eastern but patter!” : Massachusetts profess to believe that this was all a mistake, It vas in this game that the rule against off-side playing was and that St. Patrick supposed Sandy Hook to be Cape Cod broughi forward, the colonists having a notion that the aborigines were blind on the nigh side Certain casuis ised the question of propriety, but they w re sh y reminded that if Samuel (TIHIS Js © hewed Agag in pieces in Gilgal, there could be no great harm in their kicking the dressing out of the heathen in North Braintree, or wherever the game was pulled off. The Puritans raised the battle-cry: “Trust in the Lord, but Keep Your Pneumatic Chest Protector Inflated!” and the Indians replied with “Be Urief!” The ‘ations, who were roughing it in the Adirenéacks that summer, came over and rooted for the reds, and were shown every courtesy, After they had seen every courtesy, they went back under the impression that they were Twelve Nations, and wondered where they should all sleep. Our forefathers took themselves as seriously as if they were medicine, and in nothing is this more clearly shown than in their resort to the ducking- stool. They appear to us very finicky, What would they do, if they lived in our day, when women actually imagine themselves about as good as men, even though they don’t say so? To our refined sense of justice, it seems a mon- strousthing to have tosee a skinny woman immersed. LIEP ERICSON SUBMITS SAGAS ON GREENLAND. comicbooks.com