Life — September 27, 1906 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PPE HOW HE PROPOSED They dined all alone at 8:8. On oysters they dined and 8 8. And he asked his dear KS To tell him his (8 When they 8 18-28 at 8:8.—Houston Post. A DEADHEAD Francis Wilson was talking at the Players’ Club about the ignorance of dramatic literature that is too prevalent in America, according to a writer in The SpringfSeld (Mo.) Republican. “Why,” said Mr. Wilson, “a company was playing ‘She Stoops to Conquer’ ia a small Western town last winter when a man without aay money, wishing to sce the show, stepped up to ed said, “Pass me in, please.” The box office man gave a loud, harsh laugh. “Pass you in? What for?’ he asked. “The applicant drew himself up and answered haughtily: “What for? Why, because Lam Oliver Goldsmith, author ay “Oh. T beg your pardon, sir’ replied the other in a shocked woice, as be hurriedly wrote out an order for a box." “1 ast afraid, madam,” said a gentleman who was looking for country lodgings, “that the house is too near the station to be pleasant “Tt is a little noisy,” assented the landlady, “but from the front veranda ope has such a fine view of people who miss the trains." —Tit Bits BRITISH PERSPICACITY Charles Francis Adams was escorting an English friend about Boston. They were viewing the different objects of attraction and finally came to Bunker Hill. They stood looking at the splendid monument, when Adams remarked: This is the place. sir, where Warren fell.” Ah!" replied the Englishman, evidently not very familiar with American history sly hurt by his fall?” Mr, Adams looked at |. “Hurt!” said be. “He was . indeed," the Englishman replied, still eying the monument and commencing to compute its height in his own “Well, I should think he might have been—falling so Boston Herald. NO FRACTURES “It seems his uncle fell out of « hotel window in Europe” — racious! Any bones broken?” ot one." ‘0, be was merely drowned. It happened ia Venice. Philadelphia Ledger. ANT SUs%°R5, A, NL), BEAMED TOO SOON It fell to the lot of five-year-old Wallace Stewart, being the third son in rapid succession. to sift the family ashes, as his brothers had done before him. One morning the boy was told by his beaming father that a baby had arrived the night before. Wallace also beamed, much to his parent's gratification. “And just think! it is our first litthe girl Wallace's smile vanished and he scowled like a pirate. A girl?” as if it were the synoaym for all that was opprobrious. "Gee! must I alseays sift ashes?” —September Lippincolt's. “Pa, Uncux Jaates has given me his steamer trunk.” “Well, what of that?” “Now, pa. don't be peevish. Couldn't you give me a trip to Europe to sort of round out Uncle James’s present?" —Howst Chronicle. “om: Tom! THERE'S A MOUSE” SURE CURE Axxtocs Parent: Doctor, my daughter appears to be going blind, and she is about to be married Doctor: Let her go right on with the wedding. If anything can open her eyes, marriage will —Stray Stories. SOME ADVANTAGE “1 suppose you were disappointed in having your exploring terminated so abruptly.” Yes," answered the Arctic voyager. “But there are com: pensating advantages. It will enable my publisher to get my book out that much carlier."”—Washington Star. THE CZAR'S DIARY Unpublished Extracts 8 ast.—Rise; dress. Find bombs under my bed. 9 au~ Breakfast. Appoint Witte Cabinet. 10 Aat—Dismiss Wie Call in Goremykin. 11 As ign amnesty. 11.1s—Graee Dukes call. Tear up amnesty. 11.30—Go out in automobie bomb. Noon—Send for delegates of the Douma. 15> Delegates arrive, Refuse to sce them. Trepoil calls. Orde arrest of entite Douma. 1.35—Bomb. Ukase sending bie Douma to Siberia. 1.4o—Ukase nullifying ukase of 1.50. Ad delegates to come to palace. 2 p.st—Bomb. Receive Doces delegates. Promise reforms. 2.35—Massacre. 2.4o—Decree d amnesty. 2.4s—Trepoff arrives. Tear up amoesty. 5 pu Spiritualist séance. 3.10—Trepof assures me order reigns Warsaw and in all Russia. 3.12—Bomb. 3.35—Grand Dols call. Violent scenes. Hints of revolution in palace. 3 5;~ Anonymous letter gives me details of death of Paul 1. 34 Amnesty. 3.42—Tear up amnesty. 3.s0—All quiet. 3 51— Douma dissolved. 3.52—Revolution, bombs. 4 p..—Saz reading “The Decline and Fall."—Crie de Parts. PORTRAIT OF A LADY, BY GIBSON “I dined with Charles Dana Gibson at Princess's Restaurst in London during the season,” said a Chicagoan. “The lofty, spacious dining-room was filled with women ia pale gowns, their hair uncovered, and their arms and arcs bare. and though these women were fashionable, aristocratic. they smoked cigarettes with their coffee as they watched be pioscope pictures that went on at one end of the big roo, sad as they listened to the singing that went on at the other. “Amid all this feminine smoking. we Americans beg iscuss and to define the word ‘lady.’ Was it ladylike to sesoke? we asked. Would a lady ever smoke? What was a lady? “TI think Mr. Gibsoa’s definition of a lady was the best chat was given. “ "A lady,’ he said, ignoring the smoke question altogriter ‘is a woman who always remembers others and never for berself.'""—Philadel phia Bulletin. THE LUNCHEON OF A POET Eugene Field, sad of countenance and ready of tongue, ort strayed into a New York restaurant and seated himell ix luncheon. A voluble waiter came to Field and said, “CoB. tea-chocolate, ham-an"ggs-bee{steak - mutton -chop: fsh-bab- hash'n’-beans," and much more to the same purpowe. Field looked at him long and solemnly, and at last replied: “Oh, friend, I want none of these things. All I wast ss orange and a few kind words.”—Ladies’ Home Journal. CARLISLE AND THE SUPREME COURT A good story is told of Joba G. Carlisle in the come Harper's Weekly. Me. Carlisle was once approached by eet known member of the New York bar, a man of most patrocitg manner. “TI see, Carlisle," he observed loftily, “that the Suprese Court has overruled you in the case of Mullins vs. Jenkiact But,” he added, in his grand way, “you, Carlisle, need fel © concern about your reputation.” Carlisle chuckled. “Quite so,” he agreed. “I am cals cerned for the reputation of the Supreme Court.”* Live is published every Thursday, $5.00 a year in advance. Postal Union, $1.04 a year ¢: from date of publication, 26 ce: Live. is for sale by Builaing, Chancery Lane, Looaon, E. C.. England, AGests Poutage to foreign countries in the gle Current copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three months Newsdcalers in Great Britain. The International News Company, Bream's No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed emdete The illustrations in Lure ave copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. 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