Life — September 20, 1906 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

aim THE GNU WOOING There was a lovely lady gnu Who browsed beneath a spreading yew Its stately height was her delight: A truly cooling shade it threw! it little tendrils grew Which gave her Yet oft she si And wished she knew another Some newer gnu beneat To tell her tiny troubles to.) She lived the idle moments through, And days in dull succession flew, Till one fine eve shg ceased to grieve — A manly stranger met her view He gave a courtly bow of two She coolly looked him through and through: “I fear you make some slight mistake— Pethaps it is the yew you knew!" (Its branches blew and seemed to coo, Your cue, new gnu—it's up to you!") Said he, “If guests you would eschew, Tl say adieu without ado- But let me add, I knew your dad— I'm on page two, the Gau's Who's Why “Forgive,” she cried, “the snub I threw I feared you were some "Tis my regret we've never met 1 knew a gnu who knew of you." (This wasn't truc—what's that to you? — The new gnu knew; she knew he knew.) rvegnu! “Though there are other trees, "tis true,” Said she, “if you're attracted to The yews I use, and choose to chew Their yewey dewey tendrils, do!” oe The end is easily in view, He wed The “Daily Gnus” did quite enthuse; And now if all I hear is true, Beneath that yew the glad day through There romps a little gnuey new — Burges Johnson, in Harper's Magazine Jor September in a week oF two. SIMPLY JUSTICE Crrprtor: So you've come around at last to pay me what you owe me, have you? Deator: Not at all—just the contrary. You made a state ment at the club last night that Towed you 600 marks. Asa matter of fact, the accounts show 1 only owe you 560. I've come around to collect that balance of forty—Transtated jor Tales from Fluegende Blactter Z FtOAe Avi. NyLlv5 STUART'S RETORT TO HIS WIFE Gilbert Stuart, though a celebrated artist, was likewise a great braggart. On one occasion a great public dinner was given to. Isaac Hull by the town of Boston, and he was asked to sit for his picture to the artist. When Hull visited the studio Stuart took great delight in entertaining him with anecdotes of his English success, storics of this and th t, which showed ant was the society to which be had been accustomed Unfortunately, in the midst of this grandeur, Mes. Stuart who did not know that there was a sitter, came in with apn fon and her head tied up with some handkerchiefs, from the Kitchen, and cried out: “Do you mean to have that keg mutton boiled of roasted?” to which Stuart replied, with great presence of mind. “Ask your mistress “MAMMA, 1 NEED A CATECHISS.” “No, TOMMIE, YOU ARE TOO YOUNG. WHAT YoU NEED 18 A xrmry-cunsat.” ALL DEPENDS “It is said that the Emperor Constantine had a thousand cooks. Most remarkable, eh?” “That depends. At once, o during his lifetime ?"— Pittsburg Post. A DANGEROUS VARIETY he may be a gossip,” said the woman with thin lips, “but ve she tells the truth.” " My dear," answered Miss Cayenne, “the truth is frequently the worst form of gossip imaginable.""—Washington Star. Lapy: Why in the world are you bringing the milk at 4 o'clock in the afternoon? Can't you get here earlier? Mitxatax: Earlier? Why, madam, this is to-morrow morn ing’s milk !—Detroit Free Press THE FAULTFINDERS Three men took joy in finding fault, And thus it came to pass ‘The gods upon each one of them Bestowed a piece of glass The fool contrived of his a lens Wherein to gloating eves The smallest blot that could be found Was magni in size ‘The just man made of his a pane All clear without a flaw. Nor summer sun nor winter rain Affected what he saw. The wise man pondered long and well How best the search to aid. ‘Then taking up the erystal gift Of his a mirror made—New Vork Sun TWO DRAWBACKS Of all the auctioncers who have swayed the hammer, foe the days of Augustus Crsar to the present time, the mat famous was George Robins, of London. To a fine person, wr are told, he added .mind, education and a rare knowledge d men. He made the sake of a library a continuous liters; lecture. Possessing rare clocutionary gifts; reading with ex qui laste passages from the books he was selling, with brie! biographies and criticisms of their authors; reciting hexanetes from Greek and Roman classics, and reading passages {rs humorous writers with a tone and air so ludicrous as to st the room in a roar of laughter, he often won higher prices for barks than those obtained at the shops. An amusing example of ts adroitness in extolling an estate is the language with which be once closed a highly colored description of one he was selling For a few moments he paused, and then said: “And now, gentlemen, having given a truthful description of this magnificent estate, candor compels me to allow that ith two drawbacks: the litter of the rose leaves and the noise of the nightingales."—Saturday Evening Post A ROMANCE SPOILED The beautiful girl waded into the yeasty surf Presently she uttered a shriek of terror “Save me!" she cried. There were seven men on tbe hotel piazza. They conker hastily, Then the one with the clearest voice called to the steugzbsr maiden. * Awfully sor man among us.” ‘Then the lovely girl ceased her struggles and presently wade ashore.—Cleveland Plain Dealer he shouted, “but there isn't an unm BUYING OR SELLING ? It is told of the son of a horse dealer, a sharp Lad, when cect unexpectedly called upon by his father to mount a hore snl exhibit its paces, the little fellow whispered the question. # order to regulate how he should ride: “Are you buying or selling?” —Tit-Bits Live. is published every Thursday, $5.00 a year in advance. Postage to Postal Union, $104 a year extra. Single current copies, 10 cents. fro ¢ of publication. 25 cents. Lire. is for sale by all Newsd Building, Chancery Lane, Lon¢ C., England, Acents Back numbers, after three months ets in Great Britain. ‘The International News Company, Bream's n countries in the No contribution will be raurned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed endo The illustrations in Live. ere copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. Prompt notifcation should be sent by subscribers of any change of address Wison—- Wre only whaskey thet paces a complete, quavarteed onchysis on each tevery, bettle- See back label! _ SURBRUG-Importer The Egyptian Cigarette of Quality AROMATIC DELICACY— MILDNESS— PURiTY @ First-class Hotels and Clubs, on Wheels, 320 — the Through _ New York Central Lines comicbooks.com of ex Tes