Life, 1906-09-13 · page 17 of 24
Life — September 13, 1906 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Ballade of the Vernal Bard"**: A poem mocking pretentious poets. A self-important bard asks grandiose questions about inspiring nature and love through his verse. The public's response is blunt: they're tired of such flowery poetry and threaten violence if he doesn't stop. The satire targets Romantic-era poetic conventions as tedious and out-of-touch. **"Economy"**: A brief joke about a wife's illness being financially beneficial because she missed social events (receptions, balls, opera), saving money on clothes. This satirizes upper-class priorities and the notion that women's social obligations constitute major household expenses. **"The Bee Cure"**: A mock-serious medical piece describing applying bees to rheumatic pain. Presented as practical advice, it humorously discusses selecting "ferocious" bees with strong stingers, proper bee placement, and patient attention—treating an absurd remedy with scientific language. This likely mocks contemporary alternative or folk medical practices. The page's central illustration ("Down the Wrong Chimney") remains unclear without additional context.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Ballade of the Vernal Bard THE BARD Muse, brim my inky well! Mend me my fairest qui This hour I mean to dwell Upon Parnassus hill, Or by that rippling rill, clear Castalian spring, And show my lyric skill While I essay to sing! What shall I, tuneful, tell? (Some bards would call it “spill!” Strains sweet as Philomel Shall T evoke at will? Shall I the woodland thrill? Make the blue welkin ring? Charm the rathe daffodil While I essay to sing? Shall lovers feel my spell The while they coo and bill, ‘Thinking some ritornelle Comes drifting o'er the hill? Shall wanderers stop still In wide i Deeming While I essay to sing? THE PUBLIC Bard, we have had our fill Of just that sort of thing; And there'll be threats to kill If you don’t cease to sing! Sennett Stephens Economy “YOUR wife’s recent illness must have been fearfully expen- sive?” ‘ot at all; she missed eight receptions, four balls and the opera season, Think of the saving in clothes.” The Bee Cure NE of the latest cures for rheuma- tism is bees. These are applied to the place or places most in need. Care should be taken before applying the remedy to secure good, active bees. Some bees are naturally timid by nature. They are undersized and underfed and have not the courage of their stingers. Tt must not always be inferred, however, that the size of a bee determines his power. It frequently happens that a small bee will make up in energy and per- severance what he lacks in avoirdupois. me bees have naturally kind dis- positions. They avoid trouble. Tt is s DOWN THE WRONG almost unnecessary to say that these are not the best for our purpose. With a little experience the patient will be able to tell almost at a glance the most ferocious bees, and will learn methods of his own to goad them on to their task. It is well, if possible, to ex- amine them individually, and see that their stingers are in perfect order. A bee with a weak stinger only docs harm, for he interferes with the best work. It is well known that bees are methodi- cal in their work, and it is not well to hurry them too much. When you have your swarm ready, place your cHnunny adorned in an armchair with some good book and let the swarm loose in your room. It is believed that they will instinctively choose the right places to settle, but in case they do not at first, let them try over again. Poke them up occasionally with a sharp stick. Do not doze off while they are applying the cure. The mental part is essential. The patient’s attention should be fixed on himself, even if it requires some effort of the mind. Tf you see no immediate improvement, don’t be discouraged. Get new bees from. time to time and keep it up. comicbooks.com