Life — August 23, 1906 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE* AN ALPHABET OF BORES By Ottver HERFORD W's a well informed wight Who loves to set every one right ; If a word you misspell Or misquote—he will swell With Chastened and Holy delight. Widows IDOWS exist in all countries, thus counterbalancing the matrimonial decadence which might otherwise result from timid men. Widows are clinging by temperament, and attach themselves readily to any object that can’t help itself. It is generally considered unlucky to meet a widow on a dark piazza by the light of the moon. In many countries to be kissed by a widow means endless trouble. Widows are frequently accompanied by children whose number is constantly liable to increase. They roam at large over the principal sections, and no man is safe when they are near. All the perfect men now dead have married widows, thus forming a con- tinuous contrast to the miserable speci- mens who still live. xX IS for Xmas, a dear Old Impostor who comes once a year With Wassails and Wishes And death-dealing Dishes And Chilblains and Chimes and Good Cheer. It has been said “beware, of widows.” But this is unnecessary. For no man can really help himself. Affliaed THe Corey divorce is interesting. Mr. William E. Dodge and Mr. Abram Hewitt, who used to be directors of the Steel Corporation, are dead, but there are men still on the board to whom Mr. Corey’s domestic afflictions must be a sincere embarrassment. We beg to offer them our sympathy. The inability to keep house with his own wife is a very serious business defect in a representative business man. war we want from our poets, preachers and playwriters are new reasons for living the old life. "THE anarchist is the evangelist of the impotent, THE DOCTOR—AN EVOLUTION